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Should wedding guests pay for their meal?

Posted Sep 14 2009, 04:38 PM by Karen Datko
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How tacky is this -- or is it? You're invited to a wedding and reception, and you're expected to pay for your meal.

We've never encountered this, and neither has Mike at Clever Dude, although he considered it briefly before he got hitched. However, a friend of his was invited to a wedding for which she was asked to pay for the meal and also bring a gift.

Not cool, Mike said: "The wedding is for YOU (bride and groom). The reception is for US (friends and family)."

He added, "If I'm going to plop down $50 to $150 on a present, the least I should expect in return is a decent meal."

It's tradition, sure enough. But in these economic times, can't we all tweak our expectations a bit?

What did Clever Dude readers think?

Many said that if they were expected to pay for their meal, they would decline to attend. Plus, there are alternatives if your wedding budget is tight.

  • "The couple should have downsized their reception to something they could afford even if it was just cake and punch," reader "Bucksome" said.
  • Another option is a potluck reception meal. "I'd totally be down for that ... and bring a bag of chips or PB&Js," "J. Money" said. (We think he's joking about his selections.)
  • Or, friends could chip in by helping to cook and baking a cake. But that would take the place of a gift, reader Lily said.

Reader Gisele wondered if destination weddings to fancy resorts aren't more of the same -- paying for your meal and then some. "Basically, the guests are paying for their transportation to Mexico, the Caribbean or wherever, plus their accommodations -- which includes all their meals, so yes, the guests are paying for their own reception," she said.

Only one reader saw the bright side of this. Steve Sherron said it would irritate his wife so much that she'd insist they stay home, "and I would not waste a day of my life for the Frugal McDougals. The money I save would be used for extra beer and maybe pay-per-view."

"LAL" at Living Almost Large agreed: "Hell, no, I wouldn't go. And it would be a great excuse to not go."

Related reading:

Your fantasy wedding for less cash

Help! Can we afford our wedding?

Always a bridesmaid -- and flat broke

The bridesmaid's survival guide

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Comments

 

sounds like something rednecks would do

daddy warbux (Posted 09.14.09 5:03 PM ) Report Abuse

I was invited to a wedding in Reno. I paid for my own transportation there and for my hotel. After we ate, the father of the bride approached everyone with the announcement that they were taking up a collection for our meal, plus enough to cover the bride & goom's dinner. I never gave them a gift!

Andimyheart (Posted 09.14.09 5:03 PM ) Report Abuse

If the bride and groom don't want to foot the bill for a reception there is another option--ELOPE!

What?! (Posted 09.14.09 5:05 PM ) Report Abuse

How is being asked to pay for the meal different from being asked to pay for drinks?

nofrills (Posted 09.14.09 5:06 PM ) Report Abuse

I Agree With Daddy Warbux Sounds Something Like A Redneck Would Do!!!!!

Phil Buettner Jr (Posted 09.14.09 5:12 PM ) Report Abuse

Seems to me that now a days people want a fancy wedding & an expensive honeymoon but they cant afford it so they try to push the expense off on people who would like to enjoy the day of their marriage. I can see asking friends & family to an away destination for a wedding but that gives them the option of saying sry we cant afford it. But to ask some one to pay for their hotel to come to your wedding, loose time from work, buy a gift (so the couple have somethings to remember the day) & then fork out for the meal is CHEAP. If you cant afford the meal go picinic style or potluck or have cake only dont ask your guests to pay for a meal that normally is cold & crappy.

Been there wont do that to friends (Posted 09.14.09 5:15 PM ) Report Abuse

wtf does this have to do with rednecks you tools? i grew up around your so-called 'rednecks' and let me tell you the LAST thing they would do is ask you to pay. Free beer and food for everybody :)

pig farmer (Posted 09.14.09 5:17 PM ) Report Abuse

My husband and I had a variation of the "pay for your dinner" at our wedding.

We had a small wedding for family only on a weeknight, with a reception for more people the following Saturday. Everyone invited to the wedding was invited to the reception (where food and drinks were served for free). After our ceremony we casually invited our family to have dinner at the same place we were eating. Of course the bridal party and our pastor didn't pay for their own dinner, however any other family who chose to attend did pay themselves. Keep in mind this was a restaurant with a full menu, and we were careful to pick a place with reasonable prices. Some guests declined to come, instead coming to the reception.

We felt that this was a reasonable thing to do, as we were having a "real" reception on Saturday and this dinner invite was very casual and for family only. No one complained (that I know of) and it was a very nice way to spend an evening with our family. It was really more like having a birthday party at a restaurant, not a real wedding reception.

Tara (Posted 09.14.09 5:19 PM ) Report Abuse

Most wedding ettiquete states that bar should be hosted or not done at all, and food should be hosted or not done at all.  No one decided these people should get married, why should they have to foot the bill for their wedding if they want some fancy blow out.  I would have to disagree with a couple of posters: it's not something a redneck would do, it's something a cheapskate would do.

Wendy (Posted 09.14.09 5:19 PM ) Report Abuse

I was invited to a wedding where upon the grooms mother was broadcasting that the couple were paying $175.00 per person for the reception which I thought was tacky enough but then to find out through some investigation they were actually paying $75.00 per person. How rude to think the guests were going to he their cash cows especially in this econpmy. Needless to say I did not give them the amout they had broadcasted and still get looks from the grooms mom.

No ATM (Posted 09.14.09 5:20 PM ) Report Abuse

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