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Is cash a tacky wedding gift?

Posted Aug 05 2009, 05:58 PM by Karen Datko
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"Miss M" got a last-minute wedding invitation and doesn't have time to shop for a gift.

So, she asked loyal readers of M is for Money, should she do something she has never done before in her life: Put cash in a gift envelope and call it good? Is that tacky -- or not?

She's obviously worried about breaking a rule. "I was raised to think that cash makes a tacky gift, though looking back on some of the crystal monstrosities my mother gave, perhaps money would have been kinder," she wrote.

What do you think? Is cash -- like that late wedding invitation -- an indication that you don't care very much for the recipients? Or is it the best gift you could possibly give?

We think cash is king for gifts. No one will have to return it for a different color or size, and it, unlike some gift cards, has no expiration date.

Miss M's readers weren't in total agreement. One thought cash would be unconventional but OK given the fact that the invitation seemed like an afterthought.

However, cash is the preferred wedding gift in some cultures. And some comments at M is for Money suggest that the acceptability of cash is also a regional thing. "All we got for our wedding (and all we've ever given for weddings) was cash," Savings Cents in the City said. "This is in NYC/Long Island and cash is definitely the norm."

"RainyDaySaver" from Northern New Jersey agreed that cash wedding gifts are quite common.

It turns out that the role of cash at weddings is unsettled and unsettling on many fronts. For instance, we found plenty of posts about whether it's tacky to have a cash bar (not tacky) or have a donation jar at an open bar (people will probably think it's a tip jar).

But here's an issue most seem to agree on. "Serendipity" said at M is for Money that she received a wedding invitation specifying that gifts should be cash only.

Now, that's tacky, replied "negative_net_worth." "You never write what you want to receive on an invitation!"

Also, you never ask for cash. "It's really tacky. It's just not something you should ever do," Charli Penn, managing editor of WeddingChannel.com, said in a post at Alpha Consumer.

Related reading:

Gift registries: Tactics and good taste

6 ways to cut costs on wedding gifts

A gift of cash: What's the right amount?

13 thoughtful, offbeat wedding gift ideas

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Comments

 

We have always given money and do not consider it tacky at all.  That way the couple can use it for whatever they want to.  We have given as much as $250 or $300 and do not consider it to be an insult.

mom december (Posted 08.05.09 8:13 PM ) Report Abuse

Conventional wisdom gives the wedding guest an entire year after the wedding to give a wedding gift.  Although I wouldn't dream of taking that long, gifts given after the wedding are no less appreciated.

billymn (Posted 08.05.09 8:50 PM ) Report Abuse

One couple whose wedding I attended had a note on their wedding website (in their registry information section) stating that they were saving up for a down payment on a house, and that cash gifts would be welcome. They had a small registry set up as well. I didn't consider that tacky at all. However, I would agree that the note Serendipity received was tacky. A note that "gifts should be cash only" (in the wedding invitation, no less) is indeed presumptuous.

If Miss M is aware that the couple is saving for a home or other major purchase, then she might include a nice note saying that she hopes her gift helps brings them a little closer to their goal. That would certainly personalize the gift (and probably much more so than a few mouse clicks through a registry). In general, I don't see cash as tacky, especially if it's accompanied by a nice card and a personal note. Hey, at least you know your gift won't wind up at a garage sale in 10 years!

Susan (Posted 08.06.09 12:18 AM ) Report Abuse

I agree that cash as a wedding gift is cultural.  I went to a friend's (she and I are from different cultures) wedding and she carried a cute little pouch at the reception.  When she went from table to table to thank guests, many of them handed her money envelopes that she put in the pouch.  I had never heard of giving cash as a wedding gift at that time and gave her a gift from her registry.

wealthy_1 (Posted 08.06.09 7:10 AM ) Report Abuse

When my DH and I got married 2 years ago we got both gifts from our registry, giftcards and cash. And I honestly can say, next to the stuff that came off my registry I appreciated the cash most. :)

Cash I believe is an acceptable gift if given discreetly, it should be at the discretion of the giver. Invitations that state they want cash only are rude and tacky.

I read in some wedding books that you shouldn't even put the little cards that Target gives you in your invitations, and so I didn't... and there were only a couple of people who gave me a random thing that I STILL haven't used...

Coupon Ninja (Posted 08.06.09 7:45 AM ) Report Abuse

Voluntary cash gifts are not tacky, but here are the things that are: cash bar, money dance and listing registry information anywhere (website included). While gifts are a standard part of the wedding tradition, gifts are never mandatory. Registry info should be spread by word of mouth only.

nyanired (Posted 08.06.09 7:53 AM ) Report Abuse

The little cards or invitation enclosures that Target and other stores provide the bride are intended for shower invitations, not wedding invitations.  I agree that it is in poor taste to include any reference to gifts in a wedding invitation.

billymn (Posted 08.06.09 8:14 AM ) Report Abuse

Always give cash, its easier, no shopping, and for the most part, the couple return the gifts for cash anyway.  THATS tacky.  

noname (Posted 08.06.09 9:21 AM ) Report Abuse

Totally agree with nyanired.  And yes, cash is cultural.  I've been to lots of asian weddings and everyone always brings cash.  It is so much more convenient. And frankly, I don't plan on having a gift registry.  I don't think it's fair to ask my friends/family to supplement my new lifestyle.  

anti-gift registry (Posted 08.06.09 10:38 AM ) Report Abuse

If it is the choice of those attending to give cash, then it's acceptable.  If you are being told to give cash then that is unacceptable.  I have a problem with cash bars, etc.  It's as though you are being charged money to attend the wedding and reception.  If you can't afford to pay for it, don't do it.  

As for not having a registry, people will either buy or not buy off the registry.  However, not having one often makes people think that you're standing there with your hand out, EVEN IF THAT IS NOT THE REASON.  To anti-gift registry, you could ask people to donate to a charity in your name if you don't wish to register and don't want to give the impression that you just want cash.

wendy (Posted 08.06.09 11:11 AM ) Report Abuse

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