Big spenders attract tightwad mates
Posted
Aug 04 2009, 12:30 PM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
Opposites attract, even when it comes to spending money, new research has shown. Tightwads gravitate to spenders when selecting mates, and vice versa -- for better or worse (and richer or poorer).
Researchers at the Wharton School and Northwestern University "found that people who generally spend less than they would ideally like to spend, and those who spend more than they would like to tend to marry each other," a Reuters story said. (The research paper is cleverly titled "Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction" (.pdf file).) And that happens even though people tell themselves they'd prefer to be with someone just like them.
This information has all sorts of real-life applications, "The Weakonomist" observed at Weakonomics:
"Tired of saving every penny you can find only to have your spouse go out and blow it? Well, it's time to point the finger away from them and back onto yourself. You were the fool that married them."
There's some heavy psychology going on here. We've found, for instance, that we tend to dislike characteristics in others that are the same ones we dislike about ourself. Thus, this line from the Reuters story makes sense: "Those who find it painful to spend, for example, may dislike that characteristic in themselves, and so are attracted to people who are more liberal in their approach to money."
The Weakonomist said he's avoiding that trap. "In just a short while my fiancé will be walking down the aisle to say her vows with me .... Though we won't promise to honor, cherish, and save 15% toward retirement, it will be implied," he wrote.
If you're not so fortunate as to pick your perfect money mate, Annie Scott at Luxist recommended, "Basically, next time your husband or wife asks, ‘Why are you spending so much?' in exasperation, you can truthfully answer: ‘That's why you love me, baby.'" Or, if you really want to improve communication, read "7 tips for money and marriage."
And if you're unsure where you stand on spending, you can take the Wharton School's quiz. They will send you the results.
Related reading:
How to talk openly about money in a marriage
He's paying off their debt, she's adding to it
The 12 biggest reasons we fight over finances
Your 5-minute guide to love and money
