Gift registries: Tactics and good taste
Posted
Jun 18 2009, 08:05 AM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
This post comes from Trent Hamm at partner blog The Simple Dollar.
I recently received an interesting e-mail from a person I vaguely knew from college. This person "rediscovered" me via The Simple Dollar, befriended me on Facebook, and sent me one or two e-mails.
Out of nowhere, the person, who is engaged, e-mailed me a link to the couple's wedding registry. It had been e-mailed to a lot of people -- apparently everyone in their e-mail address book. The e-mail included a generic invitation to pick out one of the hundreds of items they had selected.
I deleted the e-mail. This was greed, pure and simple.
After I received it, the issue of gift registries stuck in my mind. What exactly is tasteful behavior for a gift registry? Also, what kind of items should one put on such a registry?
Here are some of my thoughts on the matter.
Should I have a registry at all? Over the years, a few readers have e-mailed me asking whether they should even have a gift registry for their wedding or baby shower. Usually, their concern is tackiness: Isn't it tacky to make a big list of the stuff you want? Didn't we outgrow making gift wish lists when we were kids?
I'm completely in favor of gift registries for such occasions. Most people have large social networks of people who want to buy gifts for weddings or for new babies, but they might not necessarily know what a good gift is. By making a registry, you help them out and also (partially) ensure that you don't get redundant items.
How should I tastefully let people know about the registry? Similarly, I have no objection to letting people know about the registry under one condition: They're invited to some sort of celebration of the event.
For example, people who aren't invited to your wedding or reception should not be told about your wedding registry. Similarly, a person who is not invited to your baby shower shouldn't be told about your baby registry.
Thus, the appropriate place to mention a registry is in an invitation. Include an extra slip of paper that says, "For your convenience, there is a gift registry at Target" or whatever location is useful to you and your guests.
Do not suggest people buy gifts from your registry if they're not close to you -- or at least not close enough to receive an invitation to your event. Doing so will not get you more gifts, but it will ensure that those people look poorly upon you.
What should I ask for? Many people put everything they think they could possibly want on their registry. I know we did this. We simply walked down the aisles at Target and put literally hundreds of items on the registry.
Bad strategy. We wound up getting a bunch of things that we didn't really need.
Instead, the best place to start is with a list at home. Over a period of time, identify the things you would actually use. Look for things that really need to be replaced. If you're doing a baby registry, ask parents, particularly those with kids under the age of 4 or so, because many baby items that seem like a good idea are actually pretty useless in practice.
Also, make sure you have a wide variety of values on the list, and have more inexpensive items than very expensive items. Don't load your registry down with a bunch of $300 items. Not many guests will be able to easily afford them. Instead, select items in a wide price range. Think of it this way: Even if someone is intending to spend quite a bit, he or she can always grab multiple inexpensive items.
A final tip: If you choose items of immediate use to you, there are several benefits. First, it becomes much easier to write a thank you note, because you can comment truthfully on how you're using the item. Second, if it's something you're actually using, it's made your life easier and saved you money and probably time, which is what gifts in these situations are intended to do. Finally, it's much easier to show the item in use if the person who gave it to you stops in. If you ask for a pan you'll actually use, you don't have to drag it out to impress someone.
If you're authentic from the start about what you want and need, that authenticity will follow all the way through, from the gift itself to saying thank you for it and actually putting it to use. And that's the best outcome of all, for both the giver and the recipient.
Any other thoughts on gift registries?
Related reading at The Simple Dollar:
The truth about grocery store fliers
A deal-collecting e-mail address
Prolonging the inevitable
