Do you have bag-lady syndrome?
Posted
Mar 18 2009, 08:56 AM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
This guest post comes from Mary at Simply Forties.
I have to admit, fear of becoming a bag lady is starting to creep up on me.
Record numbers of women are living alone these days and we're living longer. We're starting to worry about what is going to happen to us when we're too old to work or when no one is willing to hire us.
I'm in a good place in my life right now with an exceptionally good job, which I do from home, and which allows me a great deal of free time. I'm paying down my debt and socking away money as quickly as I can but, having gotten a late start, I have some concerns about getting where I need to be financially by the time I need to be there.
My primary client is 20 years older than I am and, although he's self-employed and says he's going to work until they drag him drooling out of the room, chances are better than average that he'll retire before I'm ready. Then what? Assuming we even get that far, where does a 50-plus-year-old woman go to find a job? I've been working hard to build up additional revenue streams and have every reason to believe they will continue to grow, but will they be enough?
I was joking with one of my sisters recently and said I'd probably have to move in with her as there are no Wal-Mart greeter jobs in my town. She said that would be great. A part of me is afraid I may not be joking.
Midlife women today grew up during a time of great strides in female empowerment. In spite of that, I suspect most of us assumed we'd be married and our husbands would be, if not supporting us, at least helping. We'd have these partners who were there for us financially, emotionally and physically. Now we've discovered that through divorce, death or various random circumstances, things just didn't work out that way and we're in the trenches alone. It can be a scary place.
I keep reminding myself that at 47, I easily have 20 years or more of earning potential and, even with a late start, I still have time. The problem is, the days of thinking I'm set and just have to keep my head down and go to work for 20 more years are over. Those gold watches for a lifetime of employment with the same company are a thing of the past. My biggest concern is starting over. What then?
Like a lot of women, I've worked hard, I've lived well and I don't want to end up as a greeter at Wal-Mart or a cashier at Jack in the Box when I'm 70. Assuming I could even get a job in one of those places.
What are some things we can do to help corral these fears?
Figure out if your fears are rational or irrational. No one can truly know what the future holds, but try to take a good, clear look at where you are and where you need to be. Is your home paid for? How much money do you have stashed away in various retirement, savings and investment accounts? You may be in better shape than you think.
Stay healthy. No matter where you are right now, a serious and/or long-term debilitating health issue can completely wipe you out. While it's impossible to anticipate and ward off all future health problems, eating right and staying physically active will go a long way toward keeping you out of the doctor's office. Hate to exercise? Think of it as money in the bank of your good future and do it anyway. Make sure you have health and long-term-care insurance and that your policies are paid up and active.
Know exactly where you are financially. Have a clear understanding of where you stand financially. Even if you are married, chances are good that you will outlive your husband. Do you know where all your accounts are? Is your name on everything? Do you understand your investments? Unpleasant though you may find it, sit down, go through it all, and keep asking questions until you know that you can take the reins and do it competently and with confidence. Advisers are wonderful but they do not absolve you of the need to understand and be able to make decisions about your own finances.
Keep your social network active. Women alone are much more likely to become destitute and homeless than are women with a healthy social network. Relationships with friends and family can be complicated and, like all relationships, take work. It's worth it. We all need friends we can call on in times of need. Not just for financial support but mental, emotional and physical. Just like the song says, people need people. Make sure your social network is alive and well and thriving. Get out there and put the time in; it will be worth it in the long run.
Make a plan. Being proactive is a great way to combat fear. Figure out where you need to be and how you are going to get there (or as close to there as you can). Work while you can, save what you can, don't incur unnecessary debt. Stay or get healthy. Keep and make friends. You cannot predict the future but your current actions can certainly shape it.
I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, but we need to be realistic. Don't allow yourself to live in fear but do patch as many holes as you can.
Are you living with bag-lady syndrome? What are you doing about it?
Related reading at Simply Forties:
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Strategies for single travel
Frugality vs. environmental responsibility
