Surviving (and thriving) in my sixth decade
Posted
Dec 05 2008, 11:19 AM
by
Donna Freedman
Rating:
Today is my 51st birthday and it's already looking a lot better than my 50th because this year my building isn't flooded.
At 51, some people are looking forward to retirement. Personally, I expect to have to work for a long time, for several reasons. Having spent 13 years of my adult life either part time or freelance means my Social Security isn't huge. A fair amount of my retirement is based on a 401(k) from my newspapering days, and we all know what's happened to 401(k)s recently.
I can't count on getting a decently paid job when I finish school next December. No graduate can. But unlike many 22-year-olds, I won't have huge student loan debt. My needs are fairly simple, so despite rising food prices and the necessity of funding my own health insurance, I could likely still survive on $12,000 a year -- not lavishly, mind you, but I'd be fed, housed and insured.
But I have another advantage, too. Upon graduation I won't have the paralyzing anxiety that comes from not knowing what I want to do with my life. Nor will I have the burning need to beat everyone else out for the Dream Job.
If I can't find a good position and freelancing doesn't pay the bills, I'll look for part-time work at the various businesses within walking distance of my North Seattle address.
It's not that I don't want to find a great position somewhere. It's that I'm at a stage of life where it matters less to me. Certainly I'd like to be comfortable and secure. But I'm finally comfortable enough in my own skin, and secure enough in my own identity, to know that a job does not define me.
Making smarter choices
Please note: I am not advocating that you just drift through life, hoping things will work out. On the contrary, I think you should take charge a lot earlier than I did. I was almost 50 years old before I opened a Roth IRA. Make smart use of your money from an early age and you won't be playing catch-up.
But I also hope you'll be not just mindful with your funds, but generous as well. I would have more money right now if I hadn't given a cash wedding present to my daughter and her husband, if I weren't donating to charities, if I weren't giving dollars to people on the street, if I weren't regularly sending money to a couple of relatives who are struggling.
Wouldn't it be smarter to give away less? Sure. But would that make me happy? Nope. Putting on one's own oxygen mask first is definitely smarter. But to me, giving is a priority.
I may be sorry one day if I don't reach all my financial goals. Yet I can't be sorry about helping others. I doubt I'll lie on my deathbed saying, "Darn it, I wish I hadn't shared!"
Wanted: A little equilibrium
In my 51st year I'll be seeking overall balance. Right now my life is pretty lumpy. A health condition is causing fatigue and what I can only describe as "brain fog," which makes the school/work mix a lot more challenging. My grade point average is 3.83, but it's been a real struggle. And there's no support system; if shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry are to be done, they'll be done by me.
This would be a stage of life at which one might start going out to dinner a lot. But I usually don't, because my time is too limited and because, yes, I can use that money elsewhere -- either for the Roth IRA or the Roots young adult shelter.
A former co-worker once told me about the "20-40-60" rule. At age 20 you think, "Everyone's looking at me -- what do they think of me?" At age 40 you think, "Everyone's looking at me, but who cares what they think?" And at age 60 you realize, "Nobody was ever looking at me! Why did I spend so much time caring what other people thought?"
Apparently I'm a little ahead of schedule. One of the most delightful surprises about reaching 50 was the realization that all the things I fretted over as a younger woman really don't matter. I guess that's why so many women turn rogue in midlife: We realize that most of what kept us in line all those years was the fear of what everyone else thought and some mythical axe that would fall if we raised our voices.
It's getting harder and harder for me to care what other people think. I will no longer let my life be determined by other people's ideas of how I should be living it.
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