On Black Friday, shop for somebody you'll never meet
Posted
Nov 26 2008, 12:56 AM
by
Donna Freedman
Rating:
My old friend Stephanie is doing public relations work for a couple of holiday gift drives in her South Jersey town. The beneficiaries of the drive are allowed to put three items on their wish lists. "Most of the things were basic toys -- cars and trucks and dolls -- or clothing," Stephanie told me. Not much has been donated so far, probably because Jersey residents, like everyone else, either have been affected or fear being affected by the economic downturn.
The part that troubles Stephanie, and that makes my head hurt, too, is "public perception" of the drives. Sometimes when she tells people about the collection effort, she hears comments like, "Oh, they only want to get stuff so they can sell it." Riiiight. I'm sure that 5-year-old Amber and 12-year-old Leon will instantly put their gifts on Craigslist.
"For sale: A coat with a hood, size 12."
"For sale: Dora the Explorer stuff and a dollhouse."
When did we become so hard-hearted? Is it impossible to believe that some kids just want some Play-Doh or a fire truck?
Here's a way to guard against cynicism, if you have the wherewithal: Buy something for somebody you don't know. Some people find themselves buying gifts for friends and family who already have more than enough stuff. Instead, why not buy a gift for someone who has nothing, and for whom "a coat with a hood" would be a treasure?
They want WHAT for Christmas?
"Just say no to Christmas gifts," a post that was published at Smart Spending on Monday, drew a reader comment about holiday gift programs. Reader "Lucy" said she saw wish lists with items like game systems, digital cameras, cell phones, MP3 players and gift cards. "It was outrageous, the expensive things kids wanted! I think I'll pass on the Angel Tree this year," she wrote.
But we adults can't blame kids for asking for expensive stuff, because it was us who taught them to want it. We developed this culture of consumption; preschoolers can identify brand logos long before their ABCs. If the kids in your class have cell phones and Xboxes and MP3 players, you start to think that everyone -- specifically, you -- should have these things.
Another reader, "Skippy the Soon-to-Be Scrooge," was also disgusted by wish lists: a 6-year-old who wanted an iPod, a 4-year-old who requested DVDs. But Skippy took a positive and generous approach by buying other items on the list: shoes, underwear, school uniforms, board games and "one modest toy."
Will the 6-year-old and the 4-year-old be disappointed? Possibly, but I doubt it will last. A present is a present. Heck, they may not even remember what they asked for, especially if they get a really fun board game. Besides, that "modest toy" may be the teddy bear or fire truck of a child's dreams.
My friend Stephanie notes that some of the kids in her gift drives did ask for things like MP3 players, "but they're asking for a coat, hat and gloves at the same time." So pick and choose, already. We don't have to reinforce rampant consumerism in our children, or anyone else's.
Some frugal giving tips
I'd encourage you not to focus only on well-known charities like Toys for Tots. Many smaller, regional programs run by service clubs, religious groups or social service agencies collect not just toys for kids but gifts for grownups, food and household supplies. For example, a young adult shelter here in Seattle sent out a wish list that included things I never would have come up with on my own, such as city bus tickets and miniature sewing kits. I'm buying the former and already have one of the latter (I found it in the free box at a yard sale).
Each year my sister and I adopt a family for the holidays; our church provides lists of clients from a Seattle agency. The parents tend to ask for things like warm clothes, art supplies, books and a few small toys for their kids, and toiletries, cleaning supplies and basic clothing for themselves.
Linda and I have great fun shopping for these families. Some of our frugal techniques might help you stretch your own giving dollars:
• Store discounts and/or coupons: Using a department store coupon plus the clearance rack, we bought one family some socks, underwear and a couple of foundation garments. The bill came to zero dollars, thanks to the coupon.
• Back-to-school sales: Crayons for 5 cents a box? Really. I donate most of what I buy right away, but keep a few packages for the holidays.
• Gift cards: One year I had a bookstore gift card someone had given me. It still held some value so I used it as a head start on a few Dr. Seuss books. The total out-of-pocket expense was, I believe, less than $4.
• Dollar stores: We've gotten gloves, scarves and small toys here.
• Coupon/rebate combos: I get toiletries and cleaning supplies for free or nearly so because of manufacturers’ coupons and single-check rebate programs.
• Thrift stores: We've found spotless, like-new clothes and outerwear, and great children's books.
• "Free with purchase" offers: My sister's favorite supermarket offered a free box of mandarin oranges with a $25 purchase. Our families get citrus fruit.
• Ink cartridge recycling: In the past we've traded cartridges for watercolor sets, craft kits, modeling clay and drawing paper. The programs changed this year, but you may still be able to make them work for you.
You can make a difference
Suppose you can't afford to adopt a family, or even buy a toy? If all you can spare is a dollar or two once your own needs are met, donate it to a food bank (they can buy in bulk and get a better deal than you can) or a homeless shelter. You might also consider volunteering.
Drop by your local senior center and see if they need small items -- tissues, playing cards, hand lotion -- that you already have in your cupboards.
Call a couple of social service agencies and see what's on their wish lists. For example, maybe the books your kids no longer read could go in the agencies' waiting rooms.
My point: Most of us can make some small amount of difference in the lives of others. And most of us could stand to get out of our own heads for a little while -- there's nothing like giving to make you feel grateful.
Frankly, my opinion is that 6-year-olds don't need iPods. A "wish list" is just that: a wish. Not all wishes are granted. But some are. I don't think that a coat with a hood is too much to ask for during the holidays.
