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Does your frugality drive everyone nuts?

Posted Nov 17 2008, 12:02 PM by Donna Freedman
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Frugal behavior is often considered weird, embarrassing or just plain cheap, even by the folks who profess to love you. Family and friends may pass judgment on, say, the fact that you save extra catsup packets from fast food restaurants, shop at thrift stores or pick up change in parking lots.

Something as simple as using a manufacturer's coupon can send some people over the edge. Just ask a Smart Spending message board reader posting as "Tightwad_Amy."

"My boyfriend mocks my coupons," she lamented. Recently she saw a coupon on the ground outside a grocery store and, of course, picked it up. "I got an eye roll and an 'oh, jeez' from him."

Reader "NoAngel21659" also takes flak from friends about using coupons. "It isn't weird, though, by any means," NoAngel writes. These friends also think it's weird to pick up dropped coins, and weirder still not to automatically put the change from one's purchase into tip jars.

It's not that these two are forcing others to stockpile condiments, clip coupons or stiff the barista. Apparently, the fact that they do it is enough to offend family or friends.

Taco sauce and free worms
Reader "Katmandu42" saves extra sweet-and-sour sauce or catsup packets plus any unused napkins from fast-food joints. "I won't say this makes my friends crazy," the reader notes, "but it does keep them amused."

Could be worse, though: Katmandu42 knows of a guy who painstakingly empties saved catsup packets into a bottle. This same guy dated an employee at his workplace cafeteria "because she saved him leftovers."

(OK, even I find that a bit over the top. Besides, if you're going to date for food, why not woo someone who works at a swell restaurant? You know, sirloin instead of steam tables.)

A woman posting as "Lynn D" notes that those condiment packets are useful when packing a brown-bag lunch. And about those lunches: Lynn D favors a sandwich-sized plastic container over use-and-toss sandwich bags. Her significant other hates this eco-friendly habit because the plastic container is, to him, "one more thing to wash."

Then again, her sweetheart tosses out cans and bottles rather than turning them in for the deposit. Lynn D won't do that, because she wants the money.

(So would I, if I lived in a state with deposit laws.)

A woman posting as "realtycheck" makes compost for her vegetable garden. What's not to like, right? Ask her family. "For some reason, burying table scraps in the compost bin is 'gross' to them," the reader writes. But she loves turning scraps into free fertilizer -- and as a bonus, she winds up with a lot of free fishing bait, "as worms love table scraps."

(If it were me, I'd pull a Little Red Hen on them and decline to share the veggies or the fish. Let 'em grow/catch their own.)

Saved soap, cheap clothes
Katmandu42 recounted another frugal tip, which "made the ex-husband crazy." That former spouse used a ton of bar soap and left slivers of it everywhere. Katmandu42 would put the bits and pieces into a mesh onion bag and tie it shut to create a kind of frugalist's bath pouf. Used this way, the slivers "lather up faster than one bar, and don't wind up in the trash or down the drain."

(The mesh probably exfoliates, too.)

Reader "Talk2Me2" writes that her pals think she is "too cheap" for utilizing yard sales. Never mind that this reader regularly finds unworn clothing bearing original store tags, or unused items still in store boxes. Apparently it would have been acceptable if they'd been bought in the stores, at full price. But bought outdoors and for pennies on the dollar? Too cheap.

One time the reader forgot to remove a piece of masking tape marked "$1" from her daughter's slacks before they went to a party. A so-called friend made a big deal of taking the tape off and chiding, "I think you forgot to remove the price tag!"

Talk2Me2's response? She took the piece of tape and remarked, "A dollar? How embarrassing! I'd never pay that much for jeans."

Also on the subject of clothes: Does anybody here have a problem with clotheslines? "Shawn in AK" shocked her mother-in-law by hanging clothes to dry. "She was just kind of appalled," Shawn writes. "She said she doesn't have time for that."

Here's a funny coincidence: Shawn's electric bill went up almost $20 during MIL's visit.

A penny spurned is a lecture earned
"Ororojo" saves soft-drink caps because both Pepsi and Coca-Cola have rewards programs. This habit drove a friend just bonkers when the two vacationed together. "I kept looking into garbage bins," Ororojo admits.

Reader "Librian" also harvests soft-drink caps from garbage cans. "My husband thinks I'm crazy," she says -- yet he doesn't turn down the free sodas or free movie tickets that she gets with her rewards points.

Reader "M. Pinar" delights in getting free samples from the Internet. Some go in Christmas stockings, many get donated to women's shelters -- and all are the subject of ridicule from M.'s family.

That is, until it's time to travel. Suddenly those tiny bottles of shampoo looked awfully convenient.

"Some of them eventually had to come to me for stuff they could put in a Ziploc," the reader recounts.

If you're the kind of person who picks up spare change, you've probably heard more than a few comments that begin with "eeeewww." That is, unless you're savvy enough to be a solo prospector. Nobody sees runner "Goldistewart" find money, which she does almost daily. On one windy day she scooped up $16 in paper currency, but generally she finds pennies -- apparently some people think these are too much trouble to pick up.

A woman posting as "KandRsmom" used a found penny as an object lesson. Upon finding 11 cents in change, she gave the coins to her 5-year-old son. He tossed the penny aside. She told him never to throw money away. He replied that he threw away the penny, not the dime.

"I made him give me the dime," she writes. "My husband thinks I was a little harsh, but I think he needs to learn that money is money and when you throw it away you don't have any."

(Here's hoping that lesson sinks in. And here's hoping someone who really needed that penny found it.)

Why so judgmental?
It's not as though the folks who criticize frugality don't have their own less-than-lovable personality traits. Next time someone criticizes your saving strategies, bring up something like reality-TV fanaticism or toilet-seat positioning. We all have our little quirks. Live and let live, already.

That said, at times it might be kindest not to make a big deal about frugality. When you're out in public with your teen, stooping to pick up a penny could turn that son or daughter inside out with embarrassment. Of course, the very fact that you exist at all is enough to humiliate them.

But they may get over it, in time. Reader "geri a" said her careful shopping habits drove her teenage son crazy. One day she explained how much she'd saved by shopping that way, and "he realized the money I was saving was buying them school lunches and stuff."

Now the young man has himself wised up to things like seasonal clearance sales. "My son can now get a great wardrobe, including shoes, for under $100," geri a notes. "I have created a monster. But a frugal one!"

Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. And, whenever possible, on sale.

Comments

 

I am a religious coupon clipper and grocery store ad saver.  I get upset when my wife throws them away before I get a chance to go over them.  I price match a lot of things that I buy at Super Wal-Mart, and I love it when I can price match AND use a coupon to get something for next to nothing.  With the way the economy is these days, a little bit of work can save a lot of money.  Plus, my wife thinks it's sexy that I save us money and come home with bags full of groceries.

I read this somewhere but I can't recall the source...but it makes perfect sense.

There is a  difference between being cheap and being frugal.  Some people equate them to be one in the same.  However, frugal is when saving a penny here or there affects only that person.  Cheapness is when one's frugality affects others.  In other words, I am being frugal if I keep the heat down during the winter and I live alone.  Cheap is if I have guests over for dinner and still keep it chilly.  Frugal may be having a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for dinner one night.  Cheap is if I serve peanut butter & jelly sandwiches at my dinner for friends.  Cheapness has to involve others besides yourself.

I use coupons every time I shop and save between 35% and 42% off my grocery bill.

Certianly I get comments about being cheap. But the fact of the matter is I have money left over that is invested for my next vacation. Cash in King. I could easily take a year off from work and would do OK. The people that spend more than they make will always be scrambling to make ends meet. I also donate some of my surplus food and monye to local charities so they benefit also. So it is not about greed in any way.

"I once watched a woman gather leftovers from the tables of a fast food then sit outside feeding it to cats who were homeless themselves. Frugality is just the wise positioning of resources to those who need it most."  I think bojig pretty much sums up the concept of frugality.  Personally, I refuse to pay full price for something if I know that I can get it for cheaper somewhere else-what's the sense of paying more?  It simply allows you to allocate more resources for something else.  I'm not a penny-pincher, but I will buy something online vs. buying in the store if it will save me $10-$15.  Anyone who has a "problem" with that can start paying my bills.  At least I have the peace of mind and security that accompanies being debt-free, not having creditors call my house, being approved for a mortgage, etc...

 I have been a frugal person for over 35 years and it makes some of my family laugh.  I don't care how much amusement they get from my tightwad ways, I benefit greatly and so do they.  I used the extra money I had from thrifty living to invest in a few companies (Wal-mart, Johnson & Johnson, McDonalds are real winners and out-performed the losers 10 to 1) and these investments, which have totaled about $100,000 over the last 35 years, allowed me to retire 8 years ago at age 50.  I didn't live a life of total deprivation during that time.  We traveled, ate at restaurants 3 or 4 times a week, own a house free and clear, and sent all three children through college debt-free.  All the change we find goes to the church food pantry every year.  They got $124.50 one year and about $90 to $100 most years.  They all think it is funny when I find some other way to save a dime here or there, but they do the same thing because it pays off so well.    

washing diapers is not gross.  not fun but not gross either.  what did moms do before they made pampers?  and kotex and tampons?  our grandmothers used rags and washed them to use again.  i love hanging my clothes on the line.  even in january.  i hang out always unless it is raining of course.   always use coupons.  match them up with sales for the best bargains.  and i also take a few extra napkins at the fast food places when we go.  never catsup.  do not like the catsup in those packets.  always pick up change when i see it.  hey it is money.   the girls i work with make me cringe when they talk about the things they buy and how much money they owe.  no wonder everyone is in the pickle we are in today.  i just found a recipe for homemade laundry soap.  i purchased everthing and plan on trying it.

I used to be frugal myself, then I learned how to make more money. I also learned to STOP letting money control my life. Also, NOT spending money hurts our economy. NOT tipping our servers, hurts their bottom line. AND being frugal with family and friends, can hurt relationships. I noticed one of the 'Frugal' people, was divorced.

Please...seek help.

And I'm serious about how I used ot be SUPER frugal. I also had very few freinds and had low self esteem. Don't live your life like this!

I've probably always been frugal, but I've learned to 'get by' in a lot of things.  I lived 10 years in a 19' Travel Trailer.  I learned 'Vertical'.  I lived in Nashville, TN and had a ball!  I was living on a fixed income, and started saving aluminum for extra money. I also learned I had to sell everything a couple times a year... But then I discovered Thrift Stores.  I bought things I sold for three and four times what I paid for them.  For instance, a really nice night stand, painted navy blue, I got for $4.  I sold it for $20.  I bought a microwave for $15 and sold it for $45.  Bought another microwave for $15 and sold it for $45.  Then I couldn't find another one... finally paid $37.50 for one and kept it!

Moved to Ohio.  Lost my 'network'...everything was higher... couldn't even afford a phone for 2 years.  Finally got my feet under me, quit 'buying' cigarettes, bought a house (cigarette money!), a duplex, at that.  Moved in upstairs when first tenant moved out.  Furnished it from the alley!  I am shocked, amazed and thrilled by what people throw out!  More Thrift Stores in Columbus than in Nashville.  Don't really sell much, but I have now furnished BOTH apartments, live downstairs and charge more rent for upper unit than my payment is.  Life is good.

I (daughter) grew up in a single parent setting with no child support. We lived in the small cottage my grandfather had built. In order for my mother and I to be able to afford to have things done at home that we couldn't do ourselves, we had to figure out how to do as much as possible ourselves. We would buy the materials and install flooring, cut our own hair, put up fencing, paint etc. by ourselves. I learned how to do more and more. I realized that if I bought a tool to do something, it saved the money of having someone else do it, and then I had the tool for future use! Fortunately, I was studious, and ended up with a Master's Degree. I have a decent job. I chose never to move from my grandfather's home into something grander (and mortgaged) to impress other people. I have a washing machine, but not a dryer and dry my clothes on a line. I do not have television- I am learning to play an instrument instead, and if I am not doing that I am on the Internet or reading, or doing some do-it-yourself project. I use fans instead of air conditioning. I have a perfectly well running refridgerator that is 15 years old. I just repainted it and put new handles on it. Why not? It still works beautifully. I save catsup packs and napkins that are already in the bag on rare trips to McDonald's (I just buy the hamburger, not the fatty fries and sticky soda). I cut my own hair well enough that friends think it is professionally done. I reuse coffee filters several times and dry paper towels that clean but just wet with water. I have replaced all the light bulbs in my house with compact fluorescent bulbs and use a power strip with anything that has an LCD display that can't be shut off so I can shut it down. Yes, my friends think I'm a bit "out there", but they like me anyway. (The ones most upset with me seem to be the ones in deepest financial hot water!) I save 33% of my pretax income. In short, I don't pay anyone to do anything I can do myself, and I've learned to do a lot!

I rarely eat in restaurants--- but when I do--- I TIP! Being a waitress is one very, very difficult job and waitstaff frequently rely heavily on tips for their income. When coworkers are collecting for *** cancer or MS, they can always count on me for a generous donation. If friends need me for help, I am always there for them. I am described as a warm cheerful personality. I consider myself a happy, lucky person. I really don't want for anything. I felt sorry for many people during the economic downturn, because they have never learned to live that way, whereas I feel as though I had training in it!

I save for a sense of security and peacefulness, but the most interesting thing is that the more I save, the more I realize that the most important things in life cannot be bought, and are too vast to be contained in any wallet or bank.

Many of the ideas for economizing that I have read so far make good sense, and I practice many of them, such as picking up loose change on the sidewalk.  That happens nearly every day, because I do a lot of walking, a cheap form of transportation.  My job, my school, and most of the other places I go to are within walking distance.  I make sure of that.  If I need or want to go somewhere else, public transportation is available.  It costs me less for a monthly bus pass than it would cost to insure an automobile, let alone own and operate one.  Being independent of an automobile saves me a lot of hassle and expense; and I feel good about getting around on my own power instead of relying on half a ton or more of machinery to go from place to place.

I don't need to buy a membership at an exercise club and walk on a treadmill, going nowhere.  The walking that I do gets me where I want or need to go, and it gives me the exercise I need to avoid becoming overweight. The walking can help keep me healthy and save on medical expenses.  All this adds up to a considerable savings, not only moneywise, bit also timewise.  

What I am describing is a low-maintenance lifestyle that frees me from the compulsion to earn or otherwise obtain a high income to support it.  I end up actually living more, not just "working for a living."  

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