Family matters more than finance
Posted
Aug 29 2008, 12:33 PM
by
Donna Freedman
Rating:
Last night I bought a plane ticket to New Jersey for the holidays. I'll stay about a week so I can work at my dad's annual New Year's Eve country line dance party: help set up tables, take care of the food, refill the cooler with soda and bottled water, and pitch in to clean up afterwards.
Here's the kicker: I don't particularly like country music. In fact, I listen exclusively to KING-FM, Seattle's classical station. Nor am I going to South Jersey in December because it's beautiful there at that time of year. I'm visiting to spend time with my dad, my younger brother and other loved ones while I have the chance.
Today I happened upon an essay at the Frugal Zeitgeist personal finance blog that echoes why I spend so much vacation time visiting family. In "Time waits for no one," blogger "FZ" was writing specifically about elders and why we should see them whenever possible, "even if it means giving up a trip to go somewhere else."
Sure, it would be nice if I could spend a week in sunny Mexico -- with frequent flier miles, it could happen. But not this year, for two reasons. First, I used up my miles to visit my niece and great-nephews in Alaska earlier this summer. More importantly, my dad is in his early 70s and my mom's sisters are in their late 70s and mid-80s -- and I'd rather go for a visit than a funeral.
A chance to say goodbye
After taking my Spanish 301 final last March, I went to South Jersey to see my grandmother, who was nearly 90 and in hospice care. Days, I spent time with her or other family members; nights, I struggled to finish a paper called "Effective women's history as the basis for subjectivity."
Mom-Mom was in a lot of pain while doctors worked to figure out the right combination of drugs. Until they did, it was incredibly hard to watch her suffer and hear her ask, "Why am I being punished? Did I do something wrong in my religion?" But it was a privilege to spend some of her last days on Earth at her side, holding her hand. I can only hope that my being there helped even a little. She said it did.
In her essay, blogger FZ noted that most people don't get the chance to say goodbye. Death happens too quickly for us to get there. That's why it's important to visit family now, or at least call them regularly.
"The time to say everything you want your loved ones to know is while they're alive to hear it," FZ writes. If necessary, she says, "set financial responsibility aside for a while."
I'm with her on that. Maybe you have a big financial goal, such as paying down credit cards or saving for a down payment on a home. Or maybe you're struggling to make ends meet and just don't see how you can afford even long-distance charges.
For heaven's sake, do you think that your parents or grandparents are going to die when it's convenient for you? Look for ways to economize and pick up the phone.
Make it a priority
Since I'm out of frequent flier miles, I went online in search of low fares. With taxes and fees, my cross-country ticket cost $400 even. I'm fortunate enough to have that much on hand, so I won't go into credit card debt for this visit.
And if I didn't have the money? I'd go anyway. How many chances do we get to see the people we love?
My dad's hale and hearty, and his side of the family tends to be long-lived. In fact, he had his mother in his life longer than I had mine. But you never know.
My mom's oldest surviving sister is 85 and has a host of medical problems. Each time I see her I fear it will be the last.
If I have the opportunity to see these people once a year, I'm going to take it. If you're lucky enough to have parents or grandparents around, I urge you not to waste your chances either.
