How to talk openly about money in a marriage
Posted
Jul 30 2008, 04:36 PM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
Jesse at You Need a Budget is a personal-finance blogger -- not a marriage counselor. But he has some exceptional advice for couples who don't see eye to eye about money in a post called "The one secret to money in marriage."
Actually, his headline is an understatement because his post has lots of fine advice. For instance, ask yourself this question from Jesse: "What do you hear when your spouse tells you 'money is tight.' Do you hear blame or shared concern?"
Or this one: "What do you hear when your spouse mentions that 'this could be a bad month.' Do you hear an accusation that you aren't earning enough or a message from a trusted friend to 'hang in there'?
Jesse admits that he's no expert on relationships. He writes, "Trained as an accountant, I learned to read financial statements, not women (oh, that there were a major for that)." As an accountant, his core advice has to do with budgeting. "Sit down every month and give every dollar a job together," he says.
But he obviously has insights about people and their relationships with money. Before you can talk about assigning those tasks to your money, he says, you've got to clear the air.
In short, he urges you to talk honestly and, better yet, listen. Confess your insecurities about money. "Confess that, in your feeling frustrated about money, you've carelessly shifted the blame completely to your spouse," he says. Apologize for being a part of the problem. He says, "Apologize for always blaming and never taking some of the blame for yourself."
