The neighbors from hell are selling their house
Posted
Jul 20 2008, 01:47 PM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
Do you want to purchase a Cape Cod with an asphalt front yard and an abundance of broken beer bottles and cigarette butts all about? Please, please buy this house and become the new neighbor of "Brainy Smurf," the blogger at Pants in a Can.
You can't be any worse than the people who have the house up for sale. You'd think the very existence of these people would be enough to drive property values down (although, due to other factors, Brainy's property taxes have gone up).
There's a reason why Brainy knows that their favorite beer is Miller and that Marlboro is their cancer stick of choice. The evidence ends up in his yard.
Their semi-grown children skateboard, ride motorcycles and have parties -- way after midnight. One of the kids is in a rock band, which "practices" at his home. "I like a jam session as much as the next guy, but they only play maybe four bars of any given song before moving to something else," Brainy says. "It's just noise."
Their front yard truly is paved over (we think grass is a terrible waste of resources, but an asphalt alternatives is on the tacky side), and their front porch was turned into a makeshift bedroom -- certainly not one of the "upgrades" recommended to recession-proof your house. "They're also the type of household that has an '80s Camaro up on blocks ...," Brainy says. "They claim to be restoring it, but it's been disintegrating into the lawn since I moved in six years ago. I'm not sure there's anything left to restore."
Brainy doesn't discuss the impact these lovely neighbors have on the value of his home, probably because he's not planning on going anywhere. But just imagine the impression such neighbors would create if he were attempting to sell. The condition of nearby homes does affect what you can sell your property for.
Imagine also his elation when the for-sale sign recently went up. "Now I just need to pray and hope that the housing market is strong enough and that a mortgage is available to any potential buyers," he writes. "... Anyone out there with a touch of class in the market looking to overpay for a three-bedroom Cape with an asphalt front yard covered with broken glass and cigarette butts?"
