I work in a Restaurant/Bar, and am the head bartender there.  These situations are a nightmare for your servers!  For those of you who voted to ask for separate checks UP FRONT, kudos to YOU!!  We truly don't mind separate checks AHEAD of time.  The nightmare comes when dinner is done, the check is presented, and THEN people want

"separate checks".  Many restaurants have house rules that any party over 8, or 10 or whatever their limit is, can only have ONE check.  In the instance of "treating a guest", there should be one person in charge of that guest, and a sum of money should be collected ahead of time from each person attending, an approximation of how much that guest's tab plus tip. (over-estimate by $10-20--it can always be returned if not used.)   That person should then indicate to the server that the guest's ticket should be added to their's.  Problem solved.  After all, when an

event like this occurs, it usually involves some time and planning, and this should be a part of the plan.  I totally agree that people should not have to pay so much extra for

a meal, and/or drinks they did not consume.  And no decent member of their party should want or expect them to.  

For the person who said if you can't tip, you shouldn't be there, God Bless you, as a bartender I usually would agree, but sometimes the importance of attendance at a function out-weighs the importance of affordability.  As a bartender and a server, I build these things into my philosophy.  Whenever someone short-tips me, or completely "stiffs" me, I try  to remember the times when I wasn't so well off, and think to myself "okay, the next one will make up for THAT ONE!"  And so many times, it's true.  Also, sometimes people are just fricking cheap, and that's when I REALLY try to remember that the next one will make up for it!!  LOL  

We, the bartenders and servers of the world, can take alot the world dishes out to us, but what we cannot put up with, and which crushes our spirit, is RUDE, NASTY, CONDESCENDING, COMPLAINING (unreasonable), DEMANDING, HIGH-MAINTAINANCE (i.e., can I get another side of tartar? Oh, and another glass of ice tea.....and if you don't mind, can you bring me 6 more napkins, and by the way, I'd just LOVE some more bread and butter!  My year old baby would just adore some more crackers to crush all over your floor!!  Can I get some more salsa for my baked potato?  I'd like a box for my salad.  More creamer for my coffee. More coffee. More coffee..) CUSTOMERS...  AND IT'S A HALF HOUR PAST CLOSING TIME....  and they just left me $5 on an $87.40 tab.   For  some reason,people think they flip you a five dollar bill, they just left a "big" tip.   Love it when they WINK and tell you to "keep the change".   WoW, thanks for letting me vent, especially if it educated anyone out there.

Nuff said...

lynn, in Seaside

I would pay for Stacie and myself as one since we shared the entree.  So the division of the bill would

be by 10 instead of 11.  I don't see where that is cheap or brings about any questions, in fact I think I would still have contributed more than my actual proportion.

Somehow you can always tell who's going to cause a problem with this sort of thing.  I eat out often with a particular group, and generally splitting the check evenly is not a problem -- the dollar or two difference all comes out in the end....  but when one particular "friend" is invited, everyone has come to know there will be an extra $100-150 on the bill for bottles of wine "for the table," red and white, ordered in spite of protests from those who will end up either drinking wine they don't want or paying for wine the "friend" drinks, and desserts to "share" although most of us watch our weight and don't want and don't eat the desserts passed around.     We've taken to not inviting her.     Oh, well....

I often have this problem. Most of my friends will have SEVERAL drinks when we go out. I'll usually have one drink or a Dr. Pepper. When the bill comes, I pay what I owe and they can do whatever they want. If these people are your friends, it won't ruin that friendship by asking for seprate checks. I don't understand what these people are compaining about "waiters not giving seprate checks". Get once check and split it yourself.

If you still have trouble speaking up, have a friend do it for you.

In this case I think you did the right thing. The amount they wanted you to pay was double the cost of your meal. It always amazes me how we can be embarrassed into spending extra money! Case in point being the guy who covered the extra cost when you declined to pay DOUBLE your tab. If it had been just a few $, I would have paid it and asked for separate checks next time.

Also, I think it is ridculous to tell someone to stay home just because they have a budget & oppose paying double the cost of dining out to cover someone else's drinks, etc.

The problem here is lack of basic etiquette on the part of your acquaintances, not money.

As people said - this is something that should be agreed beforehand. I only eat out occasionally, and I've been in situations where we split the bill as well as where we get separate bills. When we split the bill, the difference between individual bills is usually small. I normally pay attention to what I order in these situations to be "in the middle".  

One time I was eating out with the group of people where 3 people had drinks and 3 had water. The person who was counting and splitting the bill separated the drinks from the bill, split the rest then said - this is the amount for those who had water, this is the amount for those who had drinks. But with a lot of people it may be difficult to keep truck of who had what.

I haven't read the original post, so I don't know how many people were there at the party and who had what. But they really should've agreed beforehand. If they had known the bill would be split, they should've ordered a complete dinner too.

It's perfectly fine to have separate bills to, even with large groups. I used to attend gatherings in our local "language club" - where a group of people who are interested in foreign languages are getting together to practice. There usually over 20 people with separate tables for different languages. They always ask for separate bills, and it works out fine. A few times when they had a special party and dinner, the cost was listed in the invitation. And we aren't poor people, I'd imagine that some of the people in the group are pretty well off. Once we went to a pretty nice place in Brooklyn on a boardwalk, and it was still separate bills. It was actually easier this way because this way some people could leave earlier if they had some plans for later.

But... If I were out with friends and my friends only had salads while I have dinner there is no way I'd let them subsidize me. It really depends on how many people were at that party and how easy or difficult it was to see who ate what. If it was obvious their friends shouldn't have split the bill evenly.

I always ask for a separate check if I am eating at a restaurant among a group of people.  It is unfair to divvy the check evenly among everyone in the party, especially if one person only orders a $5 salad while another person orders a $15 sirloin steak dinner.  Separate checks help avoid squabbling over who owes what when it comes to a large group eating at a restaurant.  While some waiters/waitresses balk at issuing separate checks, I have had no problems with separate checks whenever I visit restaurants as part of a group.

My husband and I enjoy going out with a group of friends.  However in the past few months our income has suffered due to the real estate market.  I have declined the last couple of get togethers due to the splitting of the check with this group.  They order drinks and desserts.  We order sodas and limit ourselves on the cost of our meal.  The last time I asked for a seperate check (my husband was embarrassed).  Well the guy dividing up the bill decided we should buy dinner for one of the people since it was his birthday.  We have never bought dinner for anyone and the guy we had to buy dinner for is a million-are.  So our $30.00 meal ended up costing $65.00.  

If you eat in excess of others, you should be liable for your fair share. To say I am cheap because I choose not to pay for someone elses meal is coming from someone who takes advantage of "splitting" the check. I attended a retirement party, and the waitress made out two checks...one for each side of the table. Well since the retired husband and wife were on opposite side, my sister and I agreed to pick up their checks...well guess what happened, everyone got up and left after, and no one even chipped in since the waitress brought us both checks. We ended up paying for everyone (20 people) and the tip! Never again will I agree to "split the check"  with gluts!

I'm disturbed about all the counsel to people to  avoid going out because they "can't afford it" or are "cheap."  Who is really cheap here?..I think it's the person who expects others to pay for part of their meal. People should not feel they have to subsidize others in order to attend a function, nor should they be penalized because they choose not to drink or are more moderate in their appetites. I agree with John that I would feel guilty asking others to do this on the occasions when I splurge.