Why should love have a price tag?
Posted
Jun 27 2008, 11:49 AM
by
Donna Freedman
A jewelry ad I've been hearing on the radio fills me with weary disgust. The announcer suggests that as we grow up, we lose the capacity to delight in simple joys like ice cream. That's why it's important to surprise a woman with jewelry, whether it's to commemorate a specific occasion like the birth of a child or "just a gift to say 'I love you.'"
From ice cream to ice. I suppose that's a logical progression in a society that stresses acquisition as the symbol of true success.
Listen, guys: If the woman in your life has given birth, she'd probably prefer help over gewgaws. Your getting up with the kid or making a major effort at cooking and cleaning would mean a lot more than plunking down a credit card at the jewelry counter.
And as for "just a gift to say 'I love you,'" I've got an idea: Why not say "I love you"?
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling
The ad urged men to "give a gift that will fill her with the wonder and delight of a child." This paints females as infantile and males as clueless -- women for being easily distracted by bright shiny objects, and men for being too doltish to demonstrate affection in any way except through carats or platinum.
I'm disgusted by this simplistic portrayal of relationships. It reminds me of the "How mad is she?" sign I once saw outside a flower shop. Apparently, women can always be appeased with a gift, and men can go on doing whatever it is that made the women mad in the first place.
But this notion isn't a "get out of jail free" card for men. Ultimately it works against them because it doesn't hold women accountable for their actions. Anytime the love of your life gets upset, even for irrational reasons, it's up to you to buy her off rather than call her on her behavior. If she tees off on you because you don't text her five times a day or because you want to spend an evening with your buddies, maybe it's time to rethink the relationship.
Of course, it's easier just to send flowers or buy a necklace.
Spend, spend and spend some more
I'm weary of such stereotypes, and I wish we'd learn to think more clearly about the messages we're receiving.
Want to show her that you love her? Spend money.
Got everything you need? New things are better. Spend money.
Satisfied with your life? No, you're not. The way to be happy is to spend money.
Actions speak louder than cash
How about this instead: Spend time.
Spend time showing her that you love her.
Spend time to care for the things you own, so you won't have to replace them regularly.
Spend time being thankful -- and pay that gratitude forward by spending a little time helping others.
My advice is directed to women, too. Ladies, do you show your sweetheart how much he means to you? Do you care for your possessions in order to get the most value from them? Do you realize what you have and then share your time or money with those who don't have?
And to both sexes: If you love somebody, say so. Say it often, and say it like you mean it. Don't let a credit card slip do the talking.
