Search Smart Spending:

When should you tell your boyfriend that you're rich?

Posted May 14 2008, 11:19 PM by Karen Datko
Rating:

Wouldn't we all love to have this dilemma? Inspired by a letter to the editor at Money magazine, "Flexo" at Consumerism Commentary wonders when it's appropriate to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you're wealthy.

The letter writer apparently had been burned by some guy looking for a sugar momma.

Flexo says, "It's probably not appropriate if you're on the first few dates, but if you're starting to pick out rings or talk about living together, I don't see how these decisions can be made without full financial disclosure."

Still, when exactly should you confess your riches? As a personal-finance blogger, Flexo hasn't had to confront the issue. His girlfriend, "A.," can check out his blog anytime she wants to review his financial situation. (He does keep a secret "A. Fund" hidden in his  savings so he can surprise her every once in a while.)

His readers offered varying opinions. "FrugalTrader" from Million Dollar Journey opined that "once the relationship gets serious, financial compatibility is just as important as any other aspect in a relationship." "The Mighty Quinn" opted for after the engagement but before the wedding. James from Dual Income No Kids has no problem with a money discussion on the first date. Rachel wrote that she and her future husband talked about their finances on their third date.

We like this comment from Stephanie of Poorer Than You: "I think financial disclosure in the early stages of a relationship doesn't have to be about numbers -- it should be about values."

Reader Mike said, "Tell him when he asks why he's signing a prenup."

Back to Smart Spending Digg this | Email this | Link to this
Comments

 

Money or love? I don't think you should discuss financial issues on any date. Nor should you talk about it when engaged. If and when the issue comes about and you are loaded with dough share with others and see what happens. This will tell if the one you love is the one for you. They say money can't buy you love, but I think it's OK to test the water every now and then.

bigham (Posted 05.15.08 2:47 AM ) Report Abuse

you should never tell him until you have to.

arondo (Posted 05.15.08 3:43 AM ) Report Abuse

The secret to keeping money is not telling anyone that you have money.  

WD (Posted 05.15.08 8:14 AM ) Report Abuse

I think discussing finances should be done within a month of dating someone (if you think it might become serious).  Money issues are a major reason for divorces (I know it is usually not the only reason, but it's one of the top three) and you should be somewhat aware of the partner's financial stance early on so you can be mentally prepared.  I'm not saying to tell your date your date how much you have, or owe, or what your salary is, but mainly just know their financial habits.  If one of the couple is in deep financial trouble, you can both work out a way to help solve these problems before you become married or common law since one's problem will eventually become the other's problem.  

If the other runs out the door when you mention the 10 credit cards you have, then it probably wasn't meant to be and it's better to find out now.

FR (Posted 05.16.08 10:39 AM ) Report Abuse

AFTER THE ENGAGEMENT, BUT BEFORE THE WEDDING, MAKES THE MOST SENSE FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.  HOWEVER, FINANCIAL ATTITUDES (COMPATIBILITY) ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE ACTUAL MONEY. A SAVER MARRYING A SPENDER WILL LEAD TO CONFLICT, NO MATTER HOW RICH YOU ARE.

REALITY CHECK (Posted 05.16.08 10:54 AM ) Report Abuse

Until your income gets point on a joint tax return with your partner, there is no need to share that information.

SafeSecret (Posted 05.16.08 10:58 AM ) Report Abuse

I wish I would have known my DH status before we married.  I have been bailing him out for years.  Year after year something old(new) appears

Bailer (Posted 05.16.08 11:41 AM ) Report Abuse

You should never tell HIM?? A little sexist don't you think?? Tough situation. The person that has the money probably has been down that road before. I would say that it would depend on the pace of the relationship. If the comfort level is there, and it seems headed somewhere, then it needs to be done. If the money "haver" is the man, it would involve a "change" on the part of them woman after finding out. If they suddenly want to start doing things they did not prior to knowing, I would say end it. If it is the woman with the bucks, then I guess it would be up to the man to see if he can live with it. I know that may make ME sound sexist, but I am old fashioned when it comes to that sort of thing, with the man taking care of the woman and all.

Anyway, if they go to each others home, then the cat would be out of the bag. So, in that respect, it would have to be soon.

Scott (Posted 05.16.08 11:59 AM ) Report Abuse

Get the prenup, get his/her plan for income/job, marry, then tell. Cover your bases.

Deryl (Posted 05.16.08 12:30 PM ) Report Abuse

Finances are important to any long-term, committed relationship. If it's not long term or not committed, then your finances are your business and no one else's.

pjb2020 (Posted 05.16.08 12:48 PM ) Report Abuse

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 > Last

Send a Comment

Comments must be directly related to the blog entry. Comments with offensive language will be deleted. Your e-mail address won't be displayed.

(please, no HTML tags. Web addresses will be hyperlinked):