Saving money to escape an abusive spouse
Posted
Mar 19 2008, 08:10 PM
by
Karen Datko
Mrs. Micah clearly touched a nerve when she opened a discussion about how to save money to leave -- and ultimately divorce -- an abusive spouse.
She and her readers -- including social workers, and former victims and their children -- provided lots of ideas to consider, as well as personal stories of successfully leaving or being found out. We'll summarize some of their suggestions here, but we recommend you read the entire series.
Set up a P.O. box and get a bank account and safe deposit box using that address. Do not check your bank statements on your home computer. Readers left stories about tech-savvy abusers who installed programs to track their spouse's keystrokes.
Stash a bag of clothing, cash and copies of important documents at the home of a trusted friend. Be extremely careful about sharing your plans; word can leak out.
The daughter of an abused woman offered another perspective: Don't wait until you've saved money.
"Daughter" wrote that after her father burned her pregnant mother so badly that she had to go to the emergency room, a social worker gave her mother information about leaving. She memorized the number to call, and one day took Daughter to a battered-women's shelter.
"If my mom had tried to take us to a friend's house or a motel or anything other than a safe house guarded by the police, we'd have never made it out," Daughter wrote. "The battered women's shelter put my mom in touch with an advocacy group where lawyers offered their services for free."
Another reader who called herself "just a girl" wrote that saving a bit of the grocery money each week may be difficult. She asked: "What if they want the change and the receipt when you get back? My dad is very emotionally abusive and always double-checks and interrogates me and my mom on every purchase."
