Wow, We are happily married with 2 children in college...neither of us went to college. We did teach our children to work hard and be frugal. I wish we could find a support group for guidence with all the confusing Parent Plus and Direct loans. Our children attend Penn State (2nd yr) and Purdue (1st yr) and as we sit down today we have no idea how the heck we can cosign for them both for the remainder of their college study. I work in a Doctors office and my husband does Electrical design work we live within our means, no debt. We don't see being able to retire, nor when they finish college how the they will live out on their own and make the monthly payments. The are hardworking B students. Who both work while attending school. How do other families help there kids get through college???

I have a question...

My 20 year old, whom is a great kid, is taking a direction I am not approving of.  I sacrificed much to put him (and his siblings) through private school.  We went without the navigator, expensive holidays and other toys to give them what I believed was a good education and good character training.

I fully expected and relayed to them from a young age, that they should continue on to get a college education and was ready to pay for this through my retirement account iof they would not qualify for grants., etc.  

My oldest tried one semester at UNLV and decided he didn’t want to go to college.  He then looked at the Art Institute for a career in photography and I said no because it was $40,000.  He let his millennial grant expire and has done basically nothing this whole year.  He could have knocked out one year of college.  Now he wants to cut hair and insists it’s what he’s wanted to do since he was 10.  I don’t have a problem with that.  I think he would make an excellent hairdresser.

My problem is that I told my kids that I would pay for their college education through my retirement account.  I told my son that he broke that deal when he dropped out of college to pursue a trade.  I don’t consider beauty school diploma as an education.  I myself developed a career as a programmer through a trade school.  I still however regret never taking the time to get a degree.  Working six days a week sometimes 10 hours a day didn’t give me much time to acquire that and raise a family.  

I feel a degree is a good thing to fall back on and this is the best time in a person’s life to pursue one.  When you are single, young and free of any other responsibilities.  My offer still stands to pay his rent as he goes to school as well.  I feel that he made a “man” decision when he went against my wishes and dropped out of school and now needs to act like a man and secure his own loan or way of paying this trade school.  His mother (we divorced in 2003) disagrees.

Now, he cannot afford the beauty school, does not qualify for a student loan and feels I am not supporting him because I will not pay for his trade school.

Am I wrong here?  I offered to pay half of his beauty school and all his college if he completes and AA degree and all of it if he eventually completes any BA degree.  I am considering paying it all for just an AA degree.  I love my son and only want what’s best for his future.  This is not vicarious living.  I know all too well the pitfalls of having to look for work without a degree.

Thank you!

Stone  

I have worked hard and my parents did not help me very much and I am now struggling to pay off loans( even though I worked through school I still needed loans to make ends meet).  I am angry that they didn't help me get ahead in life when I needed it most.  I am behind my other colleagues whose parents helped them and it is a direct result of the fact that I wourked 20 hours a week throughout my university education.  I think they thought they were doing me a favor but the truth is I already knew how to work hard and I was not rewarded for my good behaviour as a high school student.  Yey they have money to  give to their church and probably to other people in need. I guess they didn't realize that I would end up being a person in need because of their lack of financial support-  HELP YOUR KIDS GET AHEAD BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL.  

I currently attend a private university and will graduate this May.  I have had a financial aid package that consisted of both scholarships and student loans. I’ve had to maintain a good gpa to keep my scholarships.

It absolutely angers me when parents believe they should pick up the tab for their child’s education.  My parents could have, but I figured that I’m a relatively resilient 22 year old and I can take care of myself.

So I did. I have always worked on campus and completed several paid and unpaid internships. I’ve always had a roommate to help split costs. I rent movies from the local library, and I find cultural events in the area that suffice my need for entertainment.  I eat out maybe once or twice a week.  My friends and I like to take camping trips, and I still go to a lot of college parties. I still have a lot of free time, and I’ve networked well.  

I have about 20k in student loans that I’ve calculated to pay off within the first half-year after I start work. Living below my means now means that  I also have some savings. I also have zero credit card debt.  

What I don’t have is an ipod, a super duper cell phone, a big screen tv, the newest clothes, or the like. What I do have are the things that money can’t buy anyway.

Raise children that are responsible with money. Teach them to be frugal. It’s not stressful to juggle schoolwork and finances.  It’s worth it.   And no, I'm not a special case, I know plenty of students that have done the same.

Allow your adult children grow up. They will feel better about it. :)

I think the bigger question is what Mr. X presumes to be true for all families. We all know it isn't right to stereotype, and although many aid in making stereotypes “remain true” there are just as many who don't. Telling yourself as a parent the only way my child will learn to be financially savvy and do well in college is by making them get a full time job while taking classes is ludicrous. Yes I agree it's important to teach your children responsibility and hard work, but to assume the only way this can be done is by not helping or paying for your child’s college intuition is a naive remark.

On that note there should be certain standards set for your child. Your child should receive good grades and begin to develop a direction in a field, and not just get a degree because they feel it's the thing to do. Yes I know plenty of people that have 4 year degrees and are working crappy jobs. Currently I’m still working on my bachelors. I’ve always received good grades, and I had a job when I turned 16 for a little over 2 years till college, currently I don’t have a job, but would be more than happy to take a part time job if it fits into my schedule. Also I should note that if you were my parent and had the money for my education yet didn’t pay for it I’d send you to a nursing home when the time came. I had a discussion with my guidance consular about this and they confirmed parents should help in any way possible for their child’s education. Yes circumstances arise for parents, but instead of getting so caught up in your own little world remember you brought a child into this world, and helping your child develop adequate tools to be the best they can be is one of those unwritten rules.

Parents should help their kids as much as they can.  There is no worse feeling for the kid who does everything right and does not get the support of the parents.

My mother refused to sign my tuition loan at an Ivy League MBA program for the second year, what a mess I faced with a year in, heavy debt already and the very real possiblity of no degree.  It took my working her entire social network to persuade her to relent and sign.  I was a total straight arrow, h.s. valedictorian, top undergrad, the whole thing. My undergraduate education had cost her little, and my graduate education cost her nothing.

Our relationship never mended. I was an only child, also.  I repaid the loan, all right, but thirty years later it still hurts more than anything.  The self-righteous, self-serving parents on this blog should really be thinking less about whatever bizarre ideas they have about character building and thinking more about what their relationship with their child will be like as time goes by.    

To this day, I have no idea what that woman was thinking when she refused to cosign my loan.  

Question: My child will be attending college and he will be taking out some student loans and I will be paying the rest.  College will be relatively reasonable (state school) compared to others and he will be living home.  What is the typical spending money that parents give to college kids and what type of expenses should I expect?  Also, are credit or debit cards the best way to go?

Don

Let the kids go to Community college first ! This way they are local and you can see if they are serious about college or just goof offs...

Yes, I agree let the kids foot the bill first. They need to learn the truth about money.

Some of us grew up with no parental support through college. Whatever money we made had to budget and send monthly remittances home to family. Plus, working holidays, overtime, no vacation for a few years. Oh... a sick day was no small thing.. To top it off we cannot tell mommy or daddy " I can't take it psychologically anymore. I quit work because I cannot juggle school and work. The dishes will crash and someone will have a stroke on the other end of the phone line because money won't be coming. That is when we can afford to call home long distance (international) Talk for an hour. Lots of money...

I am better off than some of the lawyers, big Wall Street types since, I did it without family and started with 1 suitcase off a ship.  Today the kids who apparently most have parents help do not want to work jobs beneath them to pay bills. Jobs with "career potential is all some will consider.

Atlantic City or Grenada cruise ??? Who are you kidding??? A dream. Student loans ???