Frugality is not a competition
Posted
Feb 18 2008, 11:25 AM
by
Donna Freedman
Ever seen that Monty Python skit about the "Four Yorkshiremen"? A quartet of rich guys sit around talking of the poverty they knew in the old days. The stories get more and more outlandish as they compete to see whose life was the toughest.
Amy Clark, who writes the Motherload blog, seemed to channel the Four Yorkshiremen in a piece for the Frugal Hacks site. In "Four frugal hackers sitting at the bus stop," a quartet of frugalists compete to see whose life is the thriftiest.
For Amy, this kind of one-upmanship is personal. She'll feel good about something she's posted on her personal-finance blog -- until someone leaves a comment "about how they have done that for years and what you should have done."
Gee, thanks.
Why so negative?
Likely you've had something like this happen to you. You share your excitement about, say, learning a new skill or getting a job -- and you get shot down. Oh, I learned how to knit in the third grade. You're working for XYZ firm -- what a bunch of crooks!
To be told your financial management isn't up to snuff can be just as deflating. As Amy notes, "We are all in such different places on our saving money journey."
If someone talks (or posts) about money management, he needs encouragement rather than lectures. People can turn their lives around, but it's easier when you aren't being told you're doing it wrong. In a Smart Spending message board post, a reader recently wrote about establishing an emergency fund and a savings account, and hoping to buy a home in 2009.
Pretty ordinary stuff -- except that until recently, this reader was always in the red before payday: "ALWAYS! I can't tell you how much money I have given to the banks in overdraft fees."
Overdraft fees are bad! Quick, let's tell this reader how we'd never do such a foolish thing!
Or not. Why be dismissive of someone who's trying to change?
We're not the money police
Frugality is not a competition. It isn't about who saves the most money or who has the most pared-down life. It's about using money intentionally and making smart financial choices.
But you can make those choices only for yourself. What works for you might be onerous or well-nigh impossible for others. Even lifelong frugalists vary on the merits of, say, washing plastic bags or cooking all meals at home.
If someone shares a strategy that seems obvious, there's no need to respond with a dismissive, "Duh, everybody knows about saving spare change."
Similarly, we don't get to decree what other people "should" be doing. We're not the money police. We don't get to demand accountability, so to speak.
Suppose a spendthrift co-worker confesses to credit card debt and says she's going to start eating at cheaper lunch places. Self-righteously sniffing that you always brown-bag your lunch won't help. Showing her how to find restaurant coupons will.
Offering to share some personal-finance URLs or loan your favorite money-management books might also help. They could even be life-changing.
But only if she's ready to change. That's her decision, not yours. So is whether or not she washes plastic bags.
