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Commodifying the family dinner

Posted Nov 02 2007, 12:12 PM by Donna Freedman
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Americans not only need to be reminded to eat with their families, they have to be told how to do it. At least that’s the impression I got from radio spots touting “Family Dinner Night” as a way to, among other things, keep our kids off drugs.

Then there's the print ad for a brand of frozen entrees: mom, dad and two kids enjoying lasagna from what looks like a glass dish, not a microwave tub. “Real dinner and great conversation any night of the week,” the ad copy exults.

It goes on to say, “Get your family talking!” – and provides a Web site to help the conversation along.

Let’s see: We don’t seem to know that families are supposed to eat together. Once at the table, we need cue cards to help us talk. Oh, and a frozen dinner is helpful, too.

Yes, I know we’re all busy, busy people and that nuking a lasagna floe may seem like the only way to get food into our mouths. But let me throw out two reasons to find time to cook.

•    You’ll save a lot of money on food up-front.
•    Over time, you’ll save money on health care.

'Food deserts,' tired parents
Americans spend almost half their food dollars -- $415 billion per year -- on meals and snacks away from home, according to a report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Economic Research Division. That’s a 58% jump since the early 1990s.

And here’s a news flash: Food eaten away from home tends to be kind of salty and/or greasy. By contrast, says a study reported in the Archives of Family Medicine, home-cooked meals are associated with “healthful dietary intake patterns, including more fruits and vegetables, less fried food and soda, less saturated and trans fat, lower glycemic load, more fiber and micronutrients from food.”

I don’t think American parents are trying to murder their kids with burgers and fries. They may want to eschew fast food and chew healthier chow. But some live in "food deserts," areas without access to affordable, healthy ingredients. Poorer neighborhoods tend to have convenience stores rather than supermarkets, along with high numbers of fast-food restaurants.

Or it's 6 p.m. and exhausted parents are listening to kids clamor for meals that come with toys. According to Douglas Rushkoff’s book “Coercion: Why We Listen to What ‘They’ Say,” the average American kid can recognize the golden arches before age 2.

Family dining 101
A quick Internet search for “family dinner night” turns up lots of companies that want to help -- by selling you everything from prime steaks to weekly recipe subscriptions. Some also offer advice with their ads:

•    Make some dinners casual -- a cookout or an “indoor picnic.”
•    Let family members take turns picking favorite menus.
•    Have breakfast for dinner.
•    Get a slow cooker or pressure cooker.
•    Turn off phones and TVs, and insist that everyone stay at the table until the meal is over.

I found those last two pieces of advice extremely depressing, and the rest of it to be common sense. Then again, when I was a kid everyone we knew had family dinner night. Where else would you eat?

And yes, my mother worked full time, as did a lot of my friends’ mothers. Even so, meals out simply were not on the radar. Kids learned early how to help in the kitchen, and by age 11 or so we could put together meals like meat loaf, baked chicken, chili, beef stew and the like.

Why can't today’s children do the same? Or at least take part in meal prep with their parents: a fast stir-fry at 6 p.m., or weekend “batch cooking” of meals to be enjoyed during the week? Also, you’d be amazed how far slow-cooker recipes have come; imagine coming home at night to the aroma of rosemary crockpot chicken or turkey and bean cassoulet.

Eating at home will improve your family’s health, both now and in the long term. Little kids are now developing “adult” or type 2 diabetes, and youth obesity rates are soaring.

And hey, mom and dad: How are you feeling these days?

That’s what I thought. So move away from entrees eaten without forks and from boxes. Consider a vegetable that isn't a french-fried potato. Sure, it'll be a tough transition, but so would teaching your kids to inject themselves with insulin.

And please do turn off those cell phones. Mealtime talking should be done to people who are in the same room with you -- even if you need those cue cards to get the conversational ball rolling.

Comments

 

Dear Donna, I hate to rain on your parade with this article, but you are not comparing like with like.   When your Mom worked full time, it was most likely 9-to-5 and you were probably on the same schedule as a child.  For the majority of my students, full time for their parents is a 12 hour shift (6 to 6 is norm here) and their school day is much longer as well (you probably went to school from 9 to 3 as I did...today it's 7am to 4pm).   Nowadays people also spend much more time commuting to and from work than they used to so that most of my students don't even get to consider having dinner until around 8pm (that used to be our bedtime when we were in school!)   The general tone of your article leaves the impression that people are just lazy nowadays....but I beg to differ.  I think both the parents and the students are having to work longer and harder than any other previous generation has had to---and having a lower quality of life as a result.     The 11 year olds don't know how to do this cooking because they don't have the time to learn and their parents don't have the time to teach them.   I think we need to try to cure the source of the problem and not label people as bad parents when we point out the symptoms

To the person who said this "For Con- technically all you have to do to be a family is to have a child"... hate to break it to you but you don't need children to be a family.  What a close minded view.  My husband and I are A FAMILY.  And yes we eat together every night.

Conflicting work schedules can make this ideal difficult to carry through. But, I am definately one who believes that the world should follow this way of life. There would be more harmony than hatred in the world, I think.

I too wonder how many converts will turn from lazy meals and fast food junk based on the info in this article. My spouse fights me on this family tradition constantly. He says I live in the past and am trying to be June Cleaver. He often treats himself to take out from his favorite pub instead of coming home to eat with the family. My kids have a tendency to be meal lazy (want instant meals) and want to know why dad gets to eat out all the time.

We do have important meals together at least and I will insist on continuing to eat  together daily as a family  because I know what it will do for my kids later on.

Very easy to write and article on the topic that already has been regurgitated by dozens of other authors. Not very easy to follow through. I cook myself and we have very tight budget for when it comes to going out. Yes, absolutely it saves money, makes for much much healthier meals. No, we are not able to have family nights, because in America someone at some point of time decided that 2 weeks of vacation out of 52 weeks is enough for any human being. And it is ok to make you work more than 8 hours a day, expect you to learn new things for work on your own time and manage family. I cook, I freeze, I shop sales, and I am exhausted. Sometimes I come home, open the fridge with all the tasty things I made and I crave that fast food, just because I hate my kitchen now (and cooking used to be one of my favorite things to do). So let's stop blaming parents. HOw about starting to blame the American Dream that sucked this nation so deeply in wanting junk, that employers can take advantage by making you work so much, you don't have time for your family dinners. No, not even time, make it energy. I am getting depressed just by thinking that I have to go slave over the stove, but my husband will not make it home before I starve to death anyway or my kids will have to eat before I make it home. And those miserable two days we call weekends, where I have to drive kids to soccer, dance, etc, do laundry, dust, wash bathrooms, take care of the yard, do grocery shopping. And all those articles on all the things that will save me a dollar here and there, but take away every precious minute that I could use to may be pick up a book or excercise or do some kind of craft that I like. Ridiculous.

Amen! I have lost a lot of weight just by not eating out! It is a huge transition for my children who like to eat out, but they are surviving quite nicely and the amount of complaining is beginning to subside.

I guarantee that if restaurants and fast food places clearly posted the amount of fat and calories consumed in their meals very few people would buy it...not to mention all the chemicals, preservatives and fillers that increase shelf life and enhance flavor. And, even if you get the salads, check out the fat content in commercial dressings. I have seen dressings with more fat and calories than an ice cream sundae, up to 75% of the recommended daily allowance of saturated fat...No wonder obesity and heart disease are such huge problems - look at what we are eating.

My problem with eating out is instead of like at the grocery store, where I am buying a week's worth of food, when I eat out I am buying a single meal, a single drink, maybe a single dessert, which rings up to the price of an entire week of food that I buy in advance and prepare myself. Peeling a $10 or $20 out of my pocket for every meal is insane. That is to say nothing of the food, once you get away from fast food and eat slow-cooked food, something prepared fresh and not 6 months ago, you will never want to eat fast food again.

               if you like to have a celebration of a 50 years anniversary.

               please try eat dinner together .

               then your childrens will follow.it,s great reward for all.

Family dinner is a wonderful time.  We have always done it, and now that the kids are teenagers they take time to make dinner once a week for the family.  I hope to someday visit my childrens home and find my grandchildren sitting around the family table enjoying their family and dinner.

Some of my warmest childhood memories were "cooked" at dinner time with my entire family. My 4 brothers always messing with each other when mother wasn't looking, laughing without any reason, or just seeing who could eat more of this or that. Picky eaters were just unheard of, we could not leave anything on our plate, everything was too good to go to waste, period. We never ate out, it was too expensive, and if anyone invited us for dinner (grandparents and such), mother would feed us dinner before leaving our house in order to avoid making a bad impression for eating too much at someone else's table.Friday night was a treat for us, as Mother baked an orange cake from scratch. The smell was incredible! She would hide it in odd places and whoever found it was to get the largest slice. Despite the weekly cake, none of us were/are overweight, nor diabetic. Shopping for all the food saturday morning was fun, it seemed like we were buying the entire store, boxes of all kinds of fruits and veggies, besides the 10 litters of milk a day....it was all part of the fun. We always had friends eating at home, but we weren't allowed to miss dinner w/the family. We did not start eating until everyone was at the table, hands and face washed and hair combed. It was hard to teach my child that TV must be off so we can talk during dinner, that veggies are good for you despite the green color and grassy taste, that eating at the sofa is just not right (unless we are having a "family pizza & movie night"). She doesn't resist anymore, and hamburgers are never her suggestion when trying to pick a place to eat out....she knows better than that.....a family bonds during face-to-face time, what better time than dinner with the same table in front of each of us so we can see into each others' eyes...and hearts?

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