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Commodifying the family dinner

Posted Nov 02 2007, 12:12 PM by Donna Freedman
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Americans not only need to be reminded to eat with their families, they have to be told how to do it. At least that’s the impression I got from radio spots touting “Family Dinner Night” as a way to, among other things, keep our kids off drugs.

Then there's the print ad for a brand of frozen entrees: mom, dad and two kids enjoying lasagna from what looks like a glass dish, not a microwave tub. “Real dinner and great conversation any night of the week,” the ad copy exults.

It goes on to say, “Get your family talking!” – and provides a Web site to help the conversation along.

Let’s see: We don’t seem to know that families are supposed to eat together. Once at the table, we need cue cards to help us talk. Oh, and a frozen dinner is helpful, too.

Yes, I know we’re all busy, busy people and that nuking a lasagna floe may seem like the only way to get food into our mouths. But let me throw out two reasons to find time to cook.

•    You’ll save a lot of money on food up-front.
•    Over time, you’ll save money on health care.

'Food deserts,' tired parents
Americans spend almost half their food dollars -- $415 billion per year -- on meals and snacks away from home, according to a report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Economic Research Division. That’s a 58% jump since the early 1990s.

And here’s a news flash: Food eaten away from home tends to be kind of salty and/or greasy. By contrast, says a study reported in the Archives of Family Medicine, home-cooked meals are associated with “healthful dietary intake patterns, including more fruits and vegetables, less fried food and soda, less saturated and trans fat, lower glycemic load, more fiber and micronutrients from food.”

I don’t think American parents are trying to murder their kids with burgers and fries. They may want to eschew fast food and chew healthier chow. But some live in "food deserts," areas without access to affordable, healthy ingredients. Poorer neighborhoods tend to have convenience stores rather than supermarkets, along with high numbers of fast-food restaurants.

Or it's 6 p.m. and exhausted parents are listening to kids clamor for meals that come with toys. According to Douglas Rushkoff’s book “Coercion: Why We Listen to What ‘They’ Say,” the average American kid can recognize the golden arches before age 2.

Family dining 101
A quick Internet search for “family dinner night” turns up lots of companies that want to help -- by selling you everything from prime steaks to weekly recipe subscriptions. Some also offer advice with their ads:

•    Make some dinners casual -- a cookout or an “indoor picnic.”
•    Let family members take turns picking favorite menus.
•    Have breakfast for dinner.
•    Get a slow cooker or pressure cooker.
•    Turn off phones and TVs, and insist that everyone stay at the table until the meal is over.

I found those last two pieces of advice extremely depressing, and the rest of it to be common sense. Then again, when I was a kid everyone we knew had family dinner night. Where else would you eat?

And yes, my mother worked full time, as did a lot of my friends’ mothers. Even so, meals out simply were not on the radar. Kids learned early how to help in the kitchen, and by age 11 or so we could put together meals like meat loaf, baked chicken, chili, beef stew and the like.

Why can't today’s children do the same? Or at least take part in meal prep with their parents: a fast stir-fry at 6 p.m., or weekend “batch cooking” of meals to be enjoyed during the week? Also, you’d be amazed how far slow-cooker recipes have come; imagine coming home at night to the aroma of rosemary crockpot chicken or turkey and bean cassoulet.

Eating at home will improve your family’s health, both now and in the long term. Little kids are now developing “adult” or type 2 diabetes, and youth obesity rates are soaring.

And hey, mom and dad: How are you feeling these days?

That’s what I thought. So move away from entrees eaten without forks and from boxes. Consider a vegetable that isn't a french-fried potato. Sure, it'll be a tough transition, but so would teaching your kids to inject themselves with insulin.

And please do turn off those cell phones. Mealtime talking should be done to people who are in the same room with you -- even if you need those cue cards to get the conversational ball rolling.

Comments

 

i agree, families should eat as many meals together as possible, and using meal prep time to teach some life skills is how I learned it. learned basic cooking and cleaning at a early age, learnes to do laundry, clean the house, all the things any person needs to know to self reliant and independent. Now I'm married and my wife loves that I can do those things for her and myself. The cost benefits both short term and long term are very true. Good article. :)

60's raised, supper each night on the dining room table. you eat all what was placed on your plate (you wanted to pig out, better it all of it).

dad was a policeman so the squatbox was our centerpiece and yeah some meals got alittle tough while he answered a call. dad was always present for supper. mom had to put a warm breakfast in us (buffalo ny) during the winter months.

snackfoods in our house on a sunday night were popcorn and koolaid.

got ginger ale (high balls for the adults) and fancy nuts when mom and dad were having friends over for chat or a night of cards on once again the dining room table

My husband often works late and can't be home for dinner, so we have breakfast together every day. It works out well since he has to be to work by 8 and he can drop our oldest 2 to school on his way to work..  We have whole family dinners together about 3 times a week and they other nights I have dinner with our 3 daughters by myself.  Try and think family meals and make the one that works best for you work.  Our youngest loves her special lunches with just mom and dad.

For Con- technically all you have to do to be a family is to have a child.  Eating together is a family ritual that all families should part take in whenever possible.  A family is still a family without them, but there are powerful moments to connect that happen at the dinner table.  Don't think that they aren't important because you can't/aren't doing them now.  They are important.  Add them if/when you can and keep notes on how your family interaction changes.

When our two girls were growing up we had "family style" meals every night. I am proud to say that the two of them have followed the same routine. Our grandchildren are all in their teens now and there are nights that someone will have to miss setting at the table for dinner but, for the most part all are in attendance. Both of the girls have thanked us for setting that example for them and expressed how much they enjoy setting at a common table with all the chatter and knowing what is going into the mouthes of these growing young people.

This was a great article. My fiance' and I used to eat fast food every single day. This means breakfast lunch and dinner. It seemed so convenient at the time, but now that i look back, i feel like such a bum. We've spent so much $$, and on top of that, we hardley communicated, always on the go, because we didn't have time to sit and chat. We both have extremely busy schedules. Me working in the Funeral Home Industry, I never know when I'll be home to eat, and him, managing his family's welding business, things always coming up and stuff. Now that we have both finally DECIDED to make time, we have seen the difference. Not only in our bank accounts, but in our health, and relationship. We talk about our daily stresses and moments as we prepare meatloaf (which by the way, until last month, i had never in my life had) and pies made from scratch. Its a true bonding moment that I think every family deserves to have. Whether you work 10-16hr shifts like myself and my better half, or whether its only you and your kids. In time, it will become something that your kids will appreciate, & you will congratulate yourself for taking that extra time and effort to make every sec. in your life count.

I'm 58 year's old. i can't for the life of me recall any of the moms in my neighborhood who jogged, went to the gym or worried about getting enough exercise.a few of my friends parents were overweight, most were not. so what happened? Soda. we never had soda on a regular schedule. their wasn't a fast food restaurant on every corner(i didn't have pizza until i was 8 and an italian neighbor moved next door).But i think the biggest change was all the mommies went to work.this is not a condemnation of working moms as they had no choice.through the years i have known so many new moms and moms with preschoolers or young children who want to be available to their kids but who economically can't it breaks my heart.i watch my daughter-in-law struggle with a schedule to fit in important events for her kids and still as she is a nurse she misses dinner 3-4 times a week.and yes they have forgotten how to cook. but look at a typical day! mom gets home at 5:30 brings something with her or spends 30-60 minutes to cook it. it is now 6:30, the kids need to be in bed by eight and there is clean up,homework,baths, prayers and a bedtime story!then she needs to fix lunches for the next day and she probably brought some work home from the office. my god, i don't know why women today don't curl up in the fetal position and just refuse to do it any more.i am old enough to remember! yes my mom was overworked but not like this. this is insane .

I agree that family meal time is crucial.  I was divorced before my son's first birthday, so meal time is very precious.  Now that he's in college, I cook for him on weekends, and he takes homemade leftovers to his dorm, and uses his mini fridge & microwave - he hates the cafeteria food!  I'm not even a great cook, but I hope it makes him feel connected with home to eat that food while he's away.  He's never done drugs, and has an excellent grade point average, a scholarship student.  I would have to agree with the correlation.  And I totally agree with Ms. Cureton - the time trade off, as well as the nutritional and financial value, totally outweighs eating out.

Eating dinner as a family is a nice, easy, small baby step to restoring the Family to American culture. Actually moving from eating something ordered from a restaurant or heated up in a box to "cooking" dinner for the family would be a good second, small step.

If this slow baby step process eventually ended up with Parents moving in with their adult children when they get old, those same parents helping to raise the adult childrens kids and the parents leaving their kids some kind of inheritance when they die we would be back to what a family is supposed to be.

I see lots of middle aged people like me complain that their kids don't respect them or that the younger generation is going to the dogs. I see very few middle aged people like me willing to take responsibility for the fact that parents are increasingly treating their children like an obligation that ends at 18. If my son doesn't welcome me into his home with open arms in my golden years and if I don't leave him a substantial chunk of money and assets when I pass on I will consider my life a complete waste and failure.

If more people thought like this then "neighborhoods" with no grocery store would not exist.

If you love your family give them proper nutrition, dont be lazy and buy foods with little or no nutritional value. Think of what your missing by not having family dinners. Your missing conversation, good music, education of kids in preparation of meals to help them later in life, and quality food. Dont be a victim of overwieght and disease because of lazyness!!!

We have our families over every Sunday for dinner.  It's a great family tradition to start especially with everyone so busy these days.  Our families just keep growing and everyone hardly ever misses  a Sunday!

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