When frugal living conflicts with social gift-giving
Posted
Oct 19 2007, 12:43 PM
by
Karen Datko
Rating:
This post comes from partner blog The Simple Dollar.
A reader wrote in with the following thoughts, which got my juices flowing:
“It seems as if I am constantly being invited to baby showers, weddings, birthday parties, graduations and housewarmings, and that a gift is expected at every one of these occasions.
While I enjoy giving gifts to my close friends and close relatives, it seems like the situation is getting out of control. Children get piles of junk at their birthdays, and I feel that just because I was given a wedding invitation, I am expected to send a gift even if I can’t attend the event.
My husband and I were recently invited to a housewarming party that one of his co-workers is throwing for himself. On the invitation the co-worker actually solicited gift cards, saying he preferred them over actual gifts. In the past I have given herbs from my own garden, or a loaf of bread as housewarming presents -- nothing extravagant, nothing that cost more than a few dollars.
My husband and I would really like to change this gift-giving culture, especially with the holidays coming up. We would like our children to be able to have birthday parties, but we think a gift from the grandparents and one from mom and dad are more than enough. Our children don’t need piles of presents to celebrate their birthdays.
What is the etiquette for attending these types of gatherings, and when am I obligated to bring a gift? Should I just decline these invitations if I want to stay within my budget for a given month?”
My wife and I have a gift-giving policy that has served us well over the years, especially recently as we have become more aware of our personal finances and our status as consumers.
First, we generally give homemade gifts. My wife used to give handmade soap. I like giving food items, and that’s part of the reason I have a strong interest in baking at the moment.
We believe strongly that the gift you give is a representation of what you think of the recipient. I would rather receive a well-thought-out $5 gift or a homemade gift that a person put a lot of time into than a $50 gift card or a $25 tchotchke that didn’t involve much thought. I’d also rather spend a long time thinking about, planning and executing a great gift for someone I care about than running down to the store on Christmas Eve and grabbing whatever is left.
In other words, dear reader, I agree with your gift-giving philosophy.
A problem arises when you interact with people who have a different philosophy. Someone who invites you to a housewarming party, and actually has the audacity to tell you to bring a gift card, has a far different philosophy than the one described above.
My advice is: If you’re going to take a stand, you need to make the first move. The next time you have a celebration that involves gift-giving, tell everyone invited that the celebration doesn’t revolve around exchanging material stuff. My wife has told people in the past, “Oh, please come. No need to bring anything -- just bring yourself.” Then, individually talk to the people you've invited and tell them you’re simply burned out on the constant gift-giving.
Also, remember that people use their peers as role models. Many of your friends might be having similar thoughts, so if you start making such moves, others might follow.
Other articles of interest at The Simple Dollar:
Your stuff and you: Figuring out what you really value -- and eliminating the rest
How I practice voluntary simplicity
Roommates, frugality and necessary spending
