Kill 'Zill
Posted
Oct 08 2007, 05:37 PM
by
Donna Freedman
Rating:
That’s Zill as in “Bridezilla.” My daughter, Abby, who’s getting married in May, was raging over a newspaper article about the costs a bridesmaid can reasonably expect.
The thing is, some brides are no longer reasonable -- and they expect way too much.
Veteran bridesmaid (eight times!) Arica Colley, profiled in the article, said a recent wedding cost her $1,300. Yep, thirteen hundred dollars.
But here’s the scary part: “Experts” say that bridesmaids should expect to pony up $1,000 to $1,400 for the privilege of wearing the same dress as a bunch of other women.
It isn’t just the dress (average cost: $140), according to a Brides.com editor quoted in the story. Bridesmaids face multiple showers, brunches, spa visits, bachelorette parties and, if they live elsewhere, travel costs.
Oh, and they’re apparently supposed to work on invitations, favors, decorations and anything else the bride-to-be asks. They’re supposed to plan -- and pay for -- all the events noted above.
And they’re supposed to smile while they’re doing it. But that $1,300 experience was so tense that Colley and the bride didn’t speak for half a year.
But it’s my day!
“This is insane,” Abby said. “I can’t imagine asking any of my friends to do this.”
For example:
- Colley was required to buy new shoes and jewelry. (Abby’s bridesmaids can use whatever they already own. And since they’ll wear the same color but not style of dress, they can shop post-Christmas sales.)
- Colley had to attend 10 bridal showers for that one bride. (Abby will have one shower. She does not expect gifts from anyone.)
- Colley lives in Texas. The bachelorette party was in Manhattan. (“An entire weekend of activities paid for the bridesmaids? If you want to go to New York, then pay for it yourself,” my daughter said.”)
Then again, Abby can’t afford to be a Bridezilla. She’s on an extremely limited budget that makes her extremely pragmatic. I’m helping where I can and Abby’s great-grandmother, bless her heart, just sent a contribution.
But this wedding will rely heavily on yard sales, Craigslist, dollar stores, MyPoints, and her abilities to prioritize and compromise. She’s posting tips for other budget-conscious brides on a blog called “Near Mrs.”
Bride on a budget
It’s not that she hasn’t had her share of wedding dreams. She bought a couple of bridal magazines, and dragged me to a trade fair called the “Wedding Expo.” But she’s appalled by the wretched excess noted in the newspaper article.
“I don’t expect my bridesmaids to be wedding planners or to break their budgets just so I can have the perfect day,” Abby said. “Why would they? And why would I ask them to?”
(That’s my girl!)
Seriously: I’m greatly disturbed by the way weddings have turned into floor shows. Aren’t people just as married if they don’t spend the $26,000 that the average wedding allegedly costs?
Ladies, please remember: It’s only one day -- the first day of your marriage. Marriage. That's the part after the wedding. Love, commitment, a lifetime together, all that.
Without a little perspective, Bridezillas and ordinary brides alike may may face “post-wedding blues.” This can happen once the storybook stuff is finished and it’s time for the very real, very hard work of learning to live with this person whose initials are mingled with yours on guest towels no one will ever use.
Or maybe the depression coincides with the arrival of the bills for all the wedding costs -- that is, the ones the bridesmaids didn’t pay.
