Buy me something!
Posted
Sep 24 2007, 10:21 PM
by
Donna Freedman
An article on The Dollar Stretcher personal-finance site caught my eye recently: "Teach Your Children Better Money Skills." My favorite part was the section called "Teach Your Children A Sensible Consumer Life."
A key part of this is teaching kids the difference between "need" and "want." That’s tough to do when kids are surrounded by relentless marketing. (Yet another good reason to limit television. But that’s another column.)
It’s also tough because many adults don’t know the difference between need and want. (And that’s a whole bunch of other columns. Watch this space.)
Why buy?
When you’re thinking about a purchase, the article suggests keeping these points in mind:
- "Do (the children) already have what they're asking for?
- "If so, is it broken, lost, or irreparable? Do they often use the item? Why do they need this?
- "Will it: teach them the skills they need? Help them with school work? Improve their life culturally?
"The more you and your child consider these questions, the more adapted your child will be in making sound purchasing decisions and avoid frivolous spending."
Mind you, the time to start considering these questions is not when you’re shopping. The time to discuss "a sensible consumer life" is, well, all the time. Parents who clearly model their values will teach by example.
Yet even the most well-meaning, dedicated parents will experience some rough spots. Guaranteed. Empathy exercise: Have you ever been in a store and seen the most wonderful shoes/fishing rod/cookware ever? You’re pulled toward it by forces you cannot explain. For a moment, it’s the only thing in your universe. Then you look at the price tag, sigh and think, "Some day."
Mall meltdowns
Kids have those moments, too. Often. And they don’t have the perspective that adults have. They must have this item. It will make their lives complete. Not getting it is a tragedy – and tragedies trump teachable moments any day.
Seriously: Imagine you’ve been told you cannot have what you are absolutely sure you need. Would it help at all to hear something like, "Hortense, another stuffed animal will not improve your life in a meaningful, cultural way" or "Pugsley, adding to your Hot Wheels collection does nothing to enrich your life-skills set"?
Of course not. Hortense and Pugsley are no longer listening. They’re thrashing on the toy-aisle linoleum, screaming like smoke alarms. They can’t help it. They have been programmed by marketing geniuses to become typical American consumers. And you, evil moms or dads, have just broken their wee hearts.
Or maybe you gave in. I have witnessed moms or dads pulling their kids off the floor and saying stuff like, "All right, all right, stop crying, we’re getting it." I’d hate to be around when their little darlings hit puberty. The stakes will be much, much higher – and a lot pricier than Beanie Babies.
Today’s new word: ‘No’
Before people start writing in about what a grinch I am, please note: I am not saying that you should never spend money. I’m merely suggesting we think about why we’re spending.
Despite my reputation as a thrift hound, I do sometimes buy retail. Just the other day I purchased a three-pack of X-Men underpants for my great-nephew for the upcoming holiday season, because it's not really Christmas unless somebody gives you socks or underwear. (Okay, they were on the clearance table. But they’re still cool. They will also give his overworked mom an extra three days before she has to do laundry.)
Look, it's your money. If you want to spend it all on penny slots and Snickers bars, that's your business. But spend it because you made a considered choice to spend it, not because you feel pressured to keep up with everyone else – or because you don’t want your kid to start screaming in the store.
In her recent MSNBC.com article "5 Tips for Handling a Spoiled Child," psychologist Robi Ludwig notes that some parents think that saying "no" to their children "will somehow wound their self-esteem or even worse, get them to feel deprived and unhappy."
As a frequent baby-sitter, I’ve seen some children look downright startled when I say "no." It’s as though they’d never heard the word before. Or maybe they’ve just never heard it without apologies attached.
In fact, saying "no" is a good thing, Ludwig writes: "Helping children learn how to tolerate frustration helps them to build their inner sense of resourcefulness and determination. It also prepares them for the real world."
But the best way to teach resourcefulness and determination? Embody it. Make smart financial decisions and explain why you’re making them. Buy an economical car, do your own yard work, carry a lunch, "shop" on Freecycle.
Teach your children that buying, in and of itself, will not necessarily make us happy. Being mindful about what we buy is a lot more likely to yield positive outcomes. And really cool underpants.
