Search results matching tag 'giving'

Charity telemarketers can be annoying

Karen Datko — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:03:00 GMT

Has a charity ever pushed and annoyed you to the point that you've cut them off?

When do you draw the line at giving? When they've hired a telemarketing company that pesters you, or if they send you too much mail?

"FMF" of Free Money Finance raised the question in a recent post called "Off my giving list." He stopped giving to a group he had generously supported because a telemarketer who called his house wouldn't take no for an answer.

"FMF" was on the treadmill when he took the call and calmly explained his family's approach to giving: "Any organizations that call us are asked to send us the details of what they are requesting in the mail. Then we can look over the information and take time to decide whether or not to give -- nice and logical like."

Bing: Telemarketing scams

But she pressed on -- repeatedly. It proved costly. "I reiterate what I just told her and she says (again) that she understands and we end the call. But that's not the only thing that's ending. My support for this organization is ending as well."

Some readers thought this was overkill; one even called him a jerk. But many made some observations, including:

Many charitable organizations contract with telemarketers, and some pay a substantial price, getting only 10% or 15% of the money that's raised. Look into what percentage of your gift would actually support the charity's work before you cut a check. Mrs. Micah explained how.
Often giving once to an organization will subject you to repeated calls, even if you tell the outfit to put you on its do-not-call list. (Charities are exempt from the federal Do Not Call list.)
Telemarketing is often a tough and thankless job. "We were taught to keep pushing to get the sale, asking for lower and lower amounts until we couldn't even get a $5 donation," reader George said. "We were taught to do this regardless of what the person on the other end said."
If a telemarketer behaves inappropriately, you should let the charity know.
Don't give your credit card number over the phone unless it's an organization you regularly deal with -- and the solicitor can prove it by, say, reciting your history of giving. Or, better yet, ask the caller to mail you payment information.
Hold your ground, and don't give in to guilt. That reminds us of another solicitation device: When a charity mails you free address labels or personalized notepads or other useful stuff, do you automatically send a contribution? (We have a lifetime supply of address labels, and we give the maps of the world from Doctors Without Borders to our neighbor's kid to distribute at the local Boys & Girls Club.)

Trent Hamm at our partner blog The Simple Dollar agreed with FMF's decision to cut the charity off. "I do the same thing. If a telemarketer from a charity interrupts me, I cease giving to them," he wrote. "I am a charitable person, but I value my family time and I don't want it intruded on by some ham-fisted telemarketer."

We think FMF was rather harsh. Here's what we do: We immediatelyy and politely decline to talk to anyone who calls soliciting money, unless it's an organization we regularly support. (Be careful. There are many scammers out there.) If we're interested in giving, we ask them to mail us a follow-up.

Related reading:

How much should you give?

The donations charities need most

Give and grow rich with charitable deductions

The 100 most useful sites on the Internet

7 ways to find your financial heart

Karen Datko — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:47:00 GMT

This guest post comes from Wojciech Kulicki at Fiscal Fizzle.

A critical skill for a fulfilling financial life is understanding your own money priorities. Without taking this first step, it's like driving without a destination -- you will simply end up wherever the road takes you.

I've touched on the topic of setting priorities in a number of past posts:

Now I'd like to take a more detailed approach and propose a list of seven independent activities that will drive you to find what's at the heart of your financial desires.

I guarantee that doing even one of these will bring you much closer to understanding what you value and aligning your daily actions with where you'd like to finish. It's worth the effort.

Consider these seven individually, or as a group:

Cut your income in half. For this exercise, you'll need to pull out your latest family budget and update it, if it's not current. This establishes an accurate baseline from which to work.

To enter the scarcity mindset, imagine that your total household income has just been reduced to half of today's level. It's not so far-fetched, as both two and one-income families are finding themselves partially or totally unemployed.

Create a theoretical budget based on the new income level. Unless the space between your current income and expenses is wide, you'll really have to focus and trim down.

You may want to refer to my needs vs. wants hierarchy for this exercise, and fulfill each level before moving to the next.

Increase your income by 50%. While similar to the previous example, this trick will have you thinking in an abundance mindset instead. This is sometimes called creating a dream budget. You'll also need a baseline to start with here.

To begin, imagine that you just received a raise adding 50% to your income. I chose 50% because doubling your income seemed excessive, but you can just as easily use a number more beneficial for your own situation. Then, start filling in the blanks of your budget until you've balanced it again.

Creating a dream budget has a couple of benefits. Primarily, you'll break out of a survival mindset and start thinking about where your priorities lie with discretionary income.

It will also motivate you to reach that level of income so you can actually fulfill your dreams. Lastly, having a dream budget in place helps when you receive a raise. You'll know exactly where to budget the extra cash.

Look into the crystal ball. Another priority-setting strategy is to think to the future. Many self-help experts like to go as far as imagining your funeral, but that's pushing the boundary for me. Ten to 20 years down the road is far enough to gain a good deal of perspective.

This exercise helps you forget about the mundane elements of day-to-day living and focus on achieving long-term goals. The idea is to visualize where you'd like your financial life to be in that period of time and to translate those thoughts into actions.

Typically, most people stop there, but it's also critical to examine the things you're currently doing or stressing out about that don't contribute to that long-term vision, and eliminate them from your life.

Apply your life goals to your finances. An easy way to cheat on this exam is to copy from your existing life goals list, assuming you have one in place. If this sounds far-fetched, let me give you an example. Let's say you've set up four goals related to your health. Perhaps they are to:

Lose 15 pounds by Dec. 31.
Avoid eating red meat on 50% of the days in this year.
See a preventative care doctor at least twice this year.
Undergo a procedure for tooth alignment.

It's a well-rounded list that consists of both well-defined and loosely defined goals, and spans a wide range of issues within the general health category. Look at how I can take the above list and use a similar framework to set some financial goals:

Pay off an extra $1,500 in student loans by Dec. 31.
Avoid spending any money on 50% of the days in this year.
See a financial adviser at least twice this year.
Evaluate the asset allocation of my portfolios in detail.

It's no guarantee that your goals will translate cleanly, but it's a start if you're stuck, and the wonderful thing about goals is that they can be modified as you learn more, and your life evolves.

Bing: Create a life goals list

Ask probing questions. The trick is coming up with questions that are truly out-of-the-box, thought-provoking, and focused on progress and the future. A great list can be found in my previous post on joint goals, but if you need to push the envelope even further, dig deeper.

Try breaking up your life into various roles and examine them individually. Think in terms of different time frames (five years, 15 years). Get your entire family, or even your friends, to brainstorm with you.

Answer some of the questions you put together in detail. More often than not, the answers themselves will breed more questions in a self-perpetuating cycle that helps to fill the gaps of your life.

Understand your defaults. When I wrote about setting financial priorities, I mentioned that you don't have a lot of options when it comes to your money. You can pay for services, buy products, save, eliminate debt, or invest. That's about it.

Understanding your default mentality is important, because it gives you insight on where you tend to lean when you have the freedom to choose with your discretionary income. That helps in the same way as exercise No. 2 when extra income becomes available.

It also helps you examine whether your default is actually what you want. For example, you may lean toward buying products, when in reality investing is a better option for achieving your goals. Simply knowing this may be enough to consciously stop the unwanted behavior in the future.

Give yourself a bit of imaginary income and watch your mind go to work. Do you immediately hit the mall? Stash it away in your savings account? Do you carefully split the money among all groups?

Find your MIC. MIC is an acronym I just invented that stands for "most important charity." When I was talking with my boss recently, he remarked that "we had to be put on this earth to make a difference." In other words, there's something beyond the four walls of our home that needs our attention.

It may take significant effort to find that single charity that speaks most to your heart, or it may be so second-nature that you already have one in mind. The process of looking for and selecting a single charity is very important, even if you don't have the funds to support it right now.

It reflects on your interests and passions, and gives you motivation outside yourself to succeed in life and be able to support something you care about.

Your financial heart

The ability to be self-aware beings is a uniquely human condition, and one that many of us don't take full advantage of. Figuring out what we value when it comes to money should not be an afterthought -- but the opening act.

Without the ability to understand why and how we think, we are simply living the cycle of the day-to-day. It would be a difficult task to accomplish anything of value with that mentality.

I encourage you to take on at least one of the above exercises today and begin building your financial heart.

Related reading at Fiscal Fizzle:

Identifying needs vs. wants in your budget

The basics of setting financial priorities

55 ways to simplify your finances

Clutter's worst enemy: Freecycle

Donna Freedman — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:14:00 GMT

I know I'm late to the dance here, but I finally understand why people love The Freecycle Network so much. You can give or get, de-cluttering your life or filling some basic needs at no cost.

No matter how odd the item, you can probably unload it. Earlier this week I gave away a half-pint of keys.

You read that correctly. Recently all the apartment doors in the building I manage were rekeyed. As tenants came to pick up new keys, I tossed their old ones into a berry container. At first I figured I'd drop them off at the scrap yard while recycling aluminum cans. Then I thought, "I bet someone wants these."

Within an hour of posting I had two requests. The winner: an artist who likes to play around with metal. The other person wanted them because his wife uses keys to make wind chimes.

Recently I used Freecycle to get rid of bunch of items my daughter and son-in-law couldn't take when they moved. The only thing that hasn't gotten a new home is their TV satellite. (Dish Network wanted the technology back, but not the framework that held it.)

I've also found new homes for a few things of my own: a paraffin hand spa, some support stockings I had to wear for a week after leg surgery, an aerial photograph of an unnamed mountain in Nepal and a two-CD set of "The Nutcracker." The network has provided me with pears, plums and apples, and some canning jars in which to preserve them.

Both the givers and the takers get to feel virtuous about keeping more items out of the landfill. And both get to believe that they're getting the better end of the deal: You may not have had to pay to haul that couch to the dump, but that first-time apartment dweller doesn't have to pay for furniture.

If you've got too many items -- or, conversely, if you need things but can't afford to buy them right now -- then look for a Freecycle chapter in your area. You might also check the "free" section of Craigslist or sites such as SwapMamas or Swap @ Home.

I've written before that we throw things away too easily. Freecycle and other giveaway sites are a good way to avoid waste. They're also a good way to clean house, so to speak. Too many possessions do more than clutter our personal spaces -- they also take up way too much room in our heads. We spend an inordinate amount of thinking about how to display our stuff, clean our stuff, catalog our stuff and arrange our stuff to make room for all the new stuff we plan to buy.

Getting rid of extra stuff feels pretty good. For example, that paraffin spa was a well-intentioned gift that I rarely used. The woman who's getting it has arthritis in her hands. I bet she'll use it a lot more than I ever would.

Looking around my apartment I see a number of things that could easily go on Freecycle. It's unlikely that I'd miss most of them, and extremely likely that other people actually need them. Maybe I'll start by asking that metal artist if she'll take the satellite dish.

Related reading:

10 things you shouldn't buy new

Living "poor" and loving it

If it's free, it's for me: Gratis goodies online

Guarding against the invasion of stuff

What's worth keeping?

Donna Freedman — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:55:00 GMT

You never know how much stuff you have until you need to move it 1,500 miles. Just ask my daughter and son-in-law, who are heading to Phoenix, Arizona. Although they sold some items online, staged a yard sale, donated many other belongings to charity thrift shops and gave lots of things to friends, they still couldn't fit everything into a 6x7x8-foot moving cube.

I don't suppose anyone out there could use seven dozen plastic hangers and some ice cube trays?

Or a bentwood rocker? A medium-sized pet kennel? Or how about a Brita pitcher, stone sundial, curtain rod, vegetable steamer, small gargoyle, chips-and-salsa tray, flashlight or cookie press? Any takers for the fabric-lined storage basket, bags of canned food, picture frames, coffee mugs, half a dozen saucers, two bowls, or a bunch of food storage containers?

My living room looks like a yard sale. Thank goodness for Freecycle.

Neither Abby nor Tim have ever earned much money but in the past 10 years they've acquired a ton of books, clothes, household items and hobby supplies thanks to Freecycle, Craigslist, thrift shops, free gift card programs and clearance tables.

Funny how it all piles up -- or refuses to pile up in a moving cube.

In a post on her blog, I Pick Up Pennies, Abby noted that it is "humbling to realize just how many of your possessions are disposable." She was able to discard things she'd owned for 20 years or more. Frankly, I had a tougher time with that than she did. Watching her donate Christmas ornaments and stuffed animals left me feeling wistful. It was hard not to ask her to give them to me to keep.

Probably that's because I remember the feelings associated with a stuffed koala or a particular piece of clothing. Yet in the end, it's all just stuff. Even if the stuff goes away, the memories are still mine.

All right, I admit it: I rescued a few small items. Sue me. But the most important thing I took from the experience was admiration at how ruthlessly Abby and Tim pared down their belongings. Sure, they kept enough to fill that moving cube plus the trunk and back seat of their "new" car (my former Chevy Cavalier), but they jettisoned a lot, too.

Their ability to decide what was worth keeping inspired me to start looking at my own clutter -- specifically, at a lot of Alaskan and Western prints and paintings, baseball cards, a variety of magazines, and college and pro sports media guides and programs that came to me in the divorce.

In a previous Smart Spending essay I wrote that I planned to sort through these things in order to sell them, donate them or toss them into the recycle bin. I've made a stab at unloading some of the art, but haven't yet gone through the sports ephemera. In part that's because I'm pressed for time, and in part it's because I keep thinking somebody somewhere might want to buy some of it.

Maybe somebody does. But it would take untold hours to market and mail these items and most would only fetch a few dollars apiece. Do I want to spend that much time for that little gain -- and don't I want my apartment back?

No, and yes. My new plan is to tackle one box a month. If Abby can send her strapless black prom dress to secondhand heaven, surely I can consign the 1989 Gonzaga University volleyball media guide to the pulp mill.

Related reading:

De-clutter and save money

Moving? Research rentals at cool Web site

Put down the dog statue: Lessons from a yard sale

'Embedded' storage: When our belongings own us

Is cash a tacky wedding gift?

Karen Datko — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:58:00 GMT

"Miss M" got a last-minute wedding invitation and doesn't have time to shop for a gift.

So, she asked loyal readers of M is for Money, should she do something she has never done before in her life: Put cash in a gift envelope and call it good? Is that tacky -- or not?

She's obviously worried about breaking a rule. "I was raised to think that cash makes a tacky gift, though looking back on some of the crystal monstrosities my mother gave, perhaps money would have been kinder," she wrote.

What do you think? Is cash -- like that late wedding invitation -- an indication that you don't care very much for the recipients? Or is it the best gift you could possibly give?

We think cash is king for gifts. No one will have to return it for a different color or size, and it, unlike some gift cards, has no expiration date.

Miss M's readers weren't in total agreement. One thought cash would be unconventional but OK given the fact that the invitation seemed like an afterthought.

However, cash is the preferred wedding gift in some cultures. And some comments at M is for Money suggest that the acceptability of cash is also a regional thing. "All we got for our wedding (and all we've ever given for weddings) was cash," Savings Cents in the City said. "This is in NYC/Long Island and cash is definitely the norm."

"RainyDaySaver" from Northern New Jersey agreed that cash wedding gifts are quite common.

It turns out that the role of cash at weddings is unsettled and unsettling on many fronts. For instance, we found plenty of posts about whether it's tacky to have a cash bar (not tacky) or have a donation jar at an open bar (people will probably think it's a tip jar).

But here's an issue most seem to agree on. "Serendipity" said at M is for Money that she received a wedding invitation specifying that gifts should be cash only.

Now, that's tacky, replied "negative_net_worth." "You never write what you want to receive on an invitation!"

Also, you never ask for cash. "It's really tacky. It's just not something you should ever do," Charli Penn, managing editor of WeddingChannel.com, said in a post at Alpha Consumer.

Related reading:

Gift registries: Tactics and good taste

6 ways to cut costs on wedding gifts

A gift of cash: What's the right amount?

13 thoughtful, offbeat wedding gift ideas

Buy one pair of glasses and get one free

Teresa Mears — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:50:00 GMT

As anyone who has ever worn glasses knows, prescription eyewear can be expensive. In recent years, chain discount eyewear stores have been joined by online companies offering prescription eyeglasses for as little as $7.95. (Eyeglass Retailer Reviews outlines the pros and cons of some of those companies.)

This week, Eye Buy Direct is offering its glasses at two pairs for the price of one. The two-for-one deal applies only to the frame and basic lenses. If you opt for additional features such as progressive lenses ($39), thin lenses ($25), reflective coating ($6.95), UV protection ($4.95) or sunglass tint ($4.95), those charges are added to the cost of both pairs of glasses. Shipping is free on orders more than $99 and is $4.95 for two pairs of basic glasses. The two-for-one deal is good through July 26.

If you want to "try on" the glasses, you can upload a photo of yourself and view your face with the frames you are considering. You can even post your proposed look on Facebook and see what your friends think.

If you don't like the glasses, you have seven days to request they be remade (which the company will do once) or return them. Returns are subject to a restocking fee and some types of frames can't be returned, so be sure to get the details of your prescription right. If the glasses pinch your nose, they suggest you take them to a local shop for adjustment.

Online discount glasses can be substantially cheaper, but online optical shops don't make all kinds of glasses (our prescription with three fields of vision is not available, for example). Eye
Buy Direct also doesn't make children's glasses. Discounters such as Sam's Club, which has a good guide for choosing frames, and Costco also sell prescription eyeglasses, and your local shop may be willing to make a deal, too, so shop around. Some stores offer deals that include eye exams. Sears, for example, has coupons online for two pairs of single-vision glasses for $99 and some other savings, good through July 25.

A survival guide for the uninsured

Help a budding doctor and save

Gift registries: Tactics and good taste

Karen Datko — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:05:00 GMT

This post comes from Trent Hamm at partner blog The Simple Dollar.

I recently received an interesting e-mail from a person I vaguely knew from college. This person "rediscovered" me via The Simple Dollar, befriended me on Facebook, and sent me one or two e-mails.

Out of nowhere, the person, who is engaged, e-mailed me a link to the couple's wedding registry. It had been e-mailed to a lot of people -- apparently everyone in their e-mail address book. The e-mail included a generic invitation to pick out one of the hundreds of items they had selected.

I deleted the e-mail. This was greed, pure and simple.

After I received it, the issue of gift registries stuck in my mind. What exactly is tasteful behavior for a gift registry? Also, what kind of items should one put on such a registry?

Here are some of my thoughts on the matter.

Should I have a registry at all? Over the years, a few readers have e-mailed me asking whether they should even have a gift registry for their wedding or baby shower. Usually, their concern is tackiness: Isn't it tacky to make a big list of the stuff you want? Didn't we outgrow making gift wish lists when we were kids?

I'm completely in favor of gift registries for such occasions. Most people have large social networks of people who want to buy gifts for weddings or for new babies, but they might not necessarily know what a good gift is. By making a registry, you help them out and also (partially) ensure that you don't get redundant items.

How should I tastefully let people know about the registry? Similarly, I have no objection to letting people know about the registry under one condition: They're invited to some sort of celebration of the event.

For example, people who aren't invited to your wedding or reception should not be told about your wedding registry. Similarly, a person who is not invited to your baby shower shouldn't be told about your baby registry.

Thus, the appropriate place to mention a registry is in an invitation. Include an extra slip of paper that says, "For your convenience, there is a gift registry at Target" or whatever location is useful to you and your guests.

Do not suggest people buy gifts from your registry if they're not close to you -- or at least not close enough to receive an invitation to your event. Doing so will not get you more gifts, but it will ensure that those people look poorly upon you.

What should I ask for? Many people put everything they think they could possibly want on their registry. I know we did this. We simply walked down the aisles at Target and put literally hundreds of items on the registry.

Bad strategy. We wound up getting a bunch of things that we didn't really need.

Instead, the best place to start is with a list at home. Over a period of time, identify the things you would actually use. Look for things that really need to be replaced. If you're doing a baby registry, ask parents, particularly those with kids under the age of 4 or so, because many baby items that seem like a good idea are actually pretty useless in practice.

Also, make sure you have a wide variety of values on the list, and have more inexpensive items than very expensive items. Don't load your registry down with a bunch of $300 items. Not many guests will be able to easily afford them. Instead, select items in a wide price range. Think of it this way: Even if someone is intending to spend quite a bit, he or she can always grab multiple inexpensive items.

A final tip: If you choose items of immediate use to you, there are several benefits. First, it becomes much easier to write a thank you note, because you can comment truthfully on how you're using the item. Second, if it's something you're actually using, it's made your life easier and saved you money and probably time, which is what gifts in these situations are intended to do. Finally, it's much easier to show the item in use if the person who gave it to you stops in. If you ask for a pan you'll actually use, you don't have to drag it out to impress someone.

If you're authentic from the start about what you want and need, that authenticity will follow all the way through, from the gift itself to saying thank you for it and actually putting it to use. And that's the best outcome of all, for both the giver and the recipient.

Any other thoughts on gift registries?

Related reading at The Simple Dollar:

The truth about grocery store fliers

A deal-collecting e-mail address

Prolonging the inevitable

Devil’s advocate: Don’t donate money to charity

Karen Datko — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:53:00 GMT

This devil's advocate post comes from Jim Wang at partner blog Bargaineering.

This devil's advocate post will cover something that's bound to elicit a lot of discussion: Here are four reasons why you shouldn't donate money to charity.

That's right. You read that correctly. I have four reasons why donating your hard-earned money to a charity is a bad idea, and chances are there is at least one reason here that you haven't even considered. If there was ever a devil's advocate post to end all devil's advocate posts (don't worry, it's not the last one), this would probably be it.

Americans are among the most charitable people in the world, donating $314 billion in 2007, according to the Philanthropy Journal. And despite a brutal economy, that dropped only 2% (or 5.7% after adjusting for inflation) to $307 billion in 2008.

In the face of that, I present to you four reasons why you shouldn't donate money to charity.

You already donate. Whether you know it or not, you already donate to a lot of charities. When you pay your taxes, you're subsidizing the operations of every single nonprofit organization in the United States because they don't have to pay taxes. When organizations receive subsidies or "investments" from the government in the form of grants, you're more directly donating to philanthropic organizations. In the case of charities that help needy people (homeless shelters, soup kitchens, etc.), you are already supporting those people because your taxes go to the welfare and food stamp programs. It may be more efficient to donate directly to a local homeless shelter or local food bank, but you already donate to them and the people they help through your taxes.

Teach a man to fish. The old maxim of teaching a man to fish has and always will be true: "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime." Homeless shelters and soup kitchens are wonderful if they are simply helping people get back on their feet, but far too many residents end up staying much longer than they would if the assistance weren't so easy to come by. Withholding support from an organization trying to do good isn't necessarily the best approach to affect this type of change, but it is an approach.

Administrative overhead. All philanthropic organizations have administrative overhead costs. Many philanthropic organizations also have fundraising costs. When you donate your money, a part of it goes to those administrative and fundraising costs. You can check Charity Navigator to see the administrative overhead of almost any charity. For instance, the American Cancer Society spends 9.3% of its revenue on administrative expenses and another 20.2% on raising money. Thirty cents out of every dollar you donate won't go toward anything cancer-related.

Money is too easy. It's very easy to donate money to an organization. It's much harder to donate your time by volunteering. When you volunteer, you have a much greater impact because you'll probably volunteer locally. Local organizations don't get nearly as many monetary donations as the national organizations because they don't spend as much on publicity. Also, charities like Habitat for Humanity may get a larger benefit from volunteers than they do from monetary donations. Finally, donating your time is a truly philanthropic act because you don't get a tax deduction for your time. (The only exception to this is, if you can otherwise make a boatload of cash during the time you would spend volunteering, then you probably should earn the money and donate that.)

I really struggled with this devil's advocate post, probably more so than any other post, as my fellow tweeters can attest to. In my tweeting about it, most of the responses that came back had to do with arguments against donating to a particular charity, rather than arguments against donating to charities at all.

Ultimately, though, I think the argument against donating to charities is pretty thin and comes down to personal preference. I don't think you're a bad person if you don't donate (you may not have the means, etc.), just as I don't think you're automatically a saint for donating.

It's a personal choice that we all must make on our own.

Related reading at Bargaineering:

10 smart student credit rules

Print postage online

Average net worth of an American family

Giving the gift of self on Mother’s Day

Joan Melcher — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:46:00 GMT

Mother’s Day is clearly among the most celebrated of American holidays. It’s estimated that 96% of the population participate in the observance, which stretches back more than a century in this country and can be traced to Greek myth.

So, the question is: What are you going to do?

Given the pervasive nature of a holiday celebrated by nearly everyone, your options are varied and potentially unique. And frugal.

Anne Marie Jarvis, who is credited with establishing Mother’s Day in this country, would have approved of a handmade gift or some other gift of self.

Reports are that Jarvis, who campaigned for the day to honor her own mother, was vehemently opposed to commercialization of the holiday. And we know from personal experience that nothing makes Mom’s face light up like a simply made gift from yours truly.

Here are a few tips for honoring your mom in your own way:

Personalize a card and send it to her. You have a few options here. Hallmark is offering free personalized cards, but you need to act soon. The offer expires today, May 1. You can choose a card online to personalize. They’ll address, stamp and mail it for you. Kodak Gallery has a similar deal, with a 99-cent charge for delivery. Or you can download several photos to a card at Photobucket and create your own greeting. For $1 Photobucket will print and mail the card.

E-mail her a tune. San Francisco’s legendary rock band, The Gun and Doll Show, offers a free ditty for Mom (don’t worry, it’s quite tame -- catchy even) that can be e-mailed or downloaded to an MP3 player. Or honor her by donating $5 to Operation Kids and get a free download of Collin Raye’s “She’s With Me.”

Want to give her roses, but can’t afford them? Send her a screensaver of luscious blooms.

Go to Mother’s Day Central and print out a coupon for a house cleaning, foot rub, or breakfast in bed. Better yet, come up with your own freebie and make your own signature coupon.

Consider some of the photo-op ideas described by Photopol. Our favorites: Make a frame out of a favorite board game and fill it with pictures of “lil’ ol’ you” or put photos into recycled glass jars, which act as frames.

Want to treat her to brunch or dinner? Impress her with your savvy in saving money by finding the best deals on the big day and throughout the year. Or take her to a participating T.G.I. Friday’s for a free dessert on her day.

Looking for something more casual? Treat her to a free cup or cone of frozen yogurt at a participating TCBY. If you call Colorado home, Cold Stone Creamery is honoring mothers Sunday with a free ice cream at outlets in Denver, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Greeley and Pueblo.

And remember, she’s a mother. She’s mainly interested in you. So don’t be stingy with yourself.

8 sensible ways to solve the Mother’s Day debate

Karen Datko — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:16:00 GMT

This post comes from Trent Hamm at partner blog The Simple Dollar.

Whenever Mother's Day rolls around (and it's just about here), people seem to congregate in one of two camps on the issue.

First, there's the celebrate your mother camp -- the people who feel that Mother's Day is a perfect opportunity to show your mother that you care for her, either through action or through a gift.

On the other side of that coin is the Mother's Day is a day invented by the greeting card industry group, those who feel that the entire concept of a "mother's day" is just an excuse for consumerism.

I agree with both sides. Mother's Day may be a contrived invention, but the reason behind it is one I wholeheartedly agree with. It's always worthwhile to celebrate our mothers.

The solution is simple: The best way to honor your mother isn't by celebrating her with consumerism. Instead, find ways to show your mother that you truly care -- and those ways rarely involve heading to the store and buying greeting cards and other things.

Here are eight things to try, whether you're waiting until May 10 to celebrate or you want to treat every day as Mother's Day.

Apologize. If there is a rift between you and your mother, there is simply nothing better you can do than apologize. Before you do, though, take to heart what it means to truly apologize. Spend time really reflecting on the rift that has grown between you and look for your own faults. What did you do wrong? Sure, it's often easy to blame the other person for the problems, but let yourself go beyond that. You'll grow as a person and open yourself up to repairing a painful rift if you do.

Write a letter. Sit down, put a pen to paper, and actually write a letter to your mother. This is a perfect opportunity to let her know what she has meant to you over the years. If you're not sure what to write, just tell stories. Write about the memories you have of her that have really influenced you -- and mention why they influenced you. This letter will mean far more than any card ever would.

Make a phone call. You can do much the same thing over the phone if you wish, but it's also good to make a long phone call to your mother and talk about everything. Put some time aside for the call so that you can focus on what your mother is actually saying -- especially between the lines -- and also talk openly about the things you're feeling and thinking.

Pay a visit. Spend an afternoon with your mother. Watch a movie together. Have a conversation. Eat a meal together. Let the conversation flow. Time spent together is the most valuable gift you can give.

Do a favor. There's almost always a task that your mother needs done around her home. Perhaps a room needs repainted. Maybe the car needs detailed. Maybe the shrubs need trimmed. One spectacular gift is to do that task, no questions asked. Just take care of it, so that the weight of the task is removed from her mind.

Prepare a meal. Visit your mother's house, sit her down in the kitchen with you, then prepare a meal while conversing with her. Set the table, serve the meal, then clean up all the dishes and appropriately pack away the leftovers. Leave the house just as you arrived (except with perhaps some food in the refrigerator) and you'll leave a parent who knows that you care.

Make a video of the important things in your life. For me, it would be filled with my children and my home. I'd take clips of things like my kids playing in the yard and our garden beginning to emerge. Edit this into a short film and include a bit at the end that tells your mother how much you care.

Involve yourself in something your mother cares about. Attend a service at her church. Show up at her bridge club meeting. Spend a Saturday at Habitat for Humanity. Most importantly, do these things without reservation. Put your heart into it, even if personally you aren't involved in it. Let her introduce you to her friends and take a bit of pride in you. At the same time, show her that she matters to you and that the things she values are important to you.

What's the common theme in all of these ideas? Time. Not money. Time is the gift that has real value when you're showing someone that you truly care.

This Mother's Day, don't worry about spending your money on a card or a fancy gift. Instead, start now on something that's an investment of your time. That's a gift that will really matter.

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